Hidden One

Although I feel certain that I want to become a kohenet, I have trouble visualizing what that would mean.

I also have an amorphous awareness of Shekhinah. I feel ecstasy when the Torah is processed around the shul and, during the singing of Lecha Dodi, I see a glorious woman approaching. Shabbat and community gave me a sense of the Divine Presence, but I do not know Shekhinah in the way that I know Hestia.

So I pulled some cards, asking how I can meet Shekhinah.

What was immediately notable in these two cards were the containers. In one, vessels have been overturned; when I first turned this card over, I momentarily saw the man's smiling face reflected in the water that had spilled from his nine cups. In the other card, a stern, emaciated woman perches awkwardly in a crescent throne; when I turned that card over I was repelled.

In the Fountain Tarot, the Nine of Cups is called Shared Happiness and The High Priestess is called Veiled Wisdom. Reversed, the Nine of Cups suggests giving up material things in favor of a spiritual quest. The High Priestess asks that we pause at the beginning of a spiritual quest to reflect on our paths.

The first card feels very feminine despite the male figure. His waters have broken and he has birthed something new. The woman in the second card is rigid and controlled. She holds a scroll but does not invite us to look at it. Is she a door guardian and if so, why is the full moon inside the shrine?

I wouldn't expect my desire to meet Shekhinah to be represented by a bearded man giving birth. Nor would I expect Shekhinah, or her priestess, to be cold and unapproachable. (Could I be reading them backwards? Am I a rigid seeker, while Shekhina is the laughter in every person I meet?)

Contemporary Goddess imagery is usually exuberant, showing abundance, compassion, strength, love, comfort. Even fearsome goddesses are appealing.

http://blog.onlineprasad.com

Surely Shekhina has those same traits and yet, I found, many years ago, that my experiences in a goddess circle weren't replicated in Rosh Chodesh groups. I had to travel through Judaism for years before the idea of Shekhinah spoke to me. Just as a Jewish perspective changed me and how I saw the world, it changed how I experience the Divine Feminine—she seems harder to find. 

A friend pointed out that contemporary goddess followers are generally rejecting traditional religion, but that doesn't seem to be the case for Jewish women exploring the feminine divine. He's right. Shekhinah is woven into the fabric of Judaism and those who seek her aren't rejecting our culture, although we are looking to the more remote roots of our culture.

I am constrained in my experience of her because she has been hidden in our texts and, for the most part, I am looking for Her there. (The experience of being in nature... I can't give that a face or a name.) Contemporary goddess worshipers are free to pick and choose other goddesses, to find what they want, to understand their stories in light of our own stories. But where can Jewish women find Shekhinah's stories?

Jews are commanded to care for the widow and orphan, but a solitary woman's place in Jewish society is precarious; she is invisible. Shekhinah has been invisible, a neglected widow, hungry, restricted by convention. She is a bound woman, a kind of agunah.

I am not free to choose a favorite image of Shekhina because our images of her are few and incomplete, and because she is not a goddess, she is a presence. I must search for her in our tradition and in my Jewish experience (in my reflection, as indicated by the Nine of Cups). Am I willing to approach (reach out to her, as indicated by The High Priestess) and wait patiently until she reveals a smiling face-- or some other face-- to me? Will I look into her eyes and see that she has been everything always? Will I learn her stories or will I simply sense her as a presence in our Land?