Journeys

It has been too long since I journeyed. Not sure what intention to set. I've already have an answer about Nutmeg.

How can I feel more centered and more accepting of uncertainty?
How can I feel more accepting of uncertainty?
How can I feel more accepting of uncertainty?

(or how about: how can I have more fun right now?)

How can I feel more accepting of uncertainty?

As soon as the drumming starts, I am standing beneath the arm of the saguaro
I ask, How can I feel more accepting of uncertainty?
I enter the wood pecker nest and travel down the trunk and short roots
Travelling through the tunnel at a moderate speed, but reach the cave immediately
Walk across the rocks to the river and the canoe is there
I get in and we float down the river
It's dark but I can see clearly
We pass the very small beach, go around a curve, and reach the underground lake
Instead of gliding toward the "pillars," the canoe stops

It asks me, without words, where I want to go
I picture Saguaro and we move forward
When we are under the volcano's narrow cone, I float up

It's daytime, but not extremely bright
I see Saguaro and walk down the side of the mountain a short distance to reach her
She's still growing from hardened black lava and there is still hardened red lava behind her
I say, Hi, and she bows slightly
I bow back

I feel terrible, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm so worried. How can I be more accepting of uncertainty?
Saguaro hugs me and there are no needles to hurt me
She very holds me very close and it feels wonderful
I say, I want to stay like this forever
She doesn't stop hugging me and we're very close, we have almost merged into one
We hug for a long time

Then we're not hugging any more
I'm standing in front of her, looking at her, waiting
She takes my hand and begins walking up the mountain, not toward the cone, but a little to the left
We're walking very, very slowly

I expect there will be more ocean, and there is
We continue walking, down the gentle slope on the other side
There are scrub bushes, dry, desert bushes that seem out of place
Saguaro picks a leaf for me to eat
I'm surprised that it's thick and succulent
I ask, So walking and eating will be good for me?

I want to swim and I think about flying to the ocean and diving in, but I stay with Saguaro
Saguaro touches me on the back and, without words, tells me to follow my impulses

I fly to the ocean and dive straight in
Good form, I say

I realize I have a mermaid's tail and I move it
It propels me through the water very fast
I pass a school of dark fish
I turn over on my back and can see Saguaro in the distance
The water's not smooth enough for me to just float and relax, so I go underwater again

As I move further out, I notice no other life
I wonder if I'll find seaweed if I go deeper
I don't like this-- no life, just like my first journeys to the lower world
I turn back and swim swiftly to shore
I wonder how I'll move on land with a tail and decide to just lie in the sand and waves

But I don't have a chance to do that; the drumming changes
I look up at Saguaro and wave
Then I fly up and to the volcano's cone
The canoe takes me back
The drumming is very slow and I move through the tunnel very slowly
But then, I'm standing by the saguaro and I say, I'm back.

(I wish I could record my sessions. Typing them up afterward is a chore I don't enjoy.)