Journey to the Temple

I am going to go to the Upperword to ask my teacher to show me the temple that I should be working in.

I'm on the balcony, looking at the branches blowing in the breeze and their shadows against the wall. I call to Hummingbird.

We're flying up into the clouds. They feel cool and dry. We're flying further than usual. There's the city. We fly towards it.

There's the great plaza of white stone and the stairways-- and Asherah is waiting for me. At the top of a flight of stairs. Hummingbird drops me off. I bow.

Hello.

She knew I was coming.

I'd like to see the temple.

She gestures and I walk next to her as we climb the stairs. More stairs. The buildings are different than on my first visit long ago. We keep walking up stairs. I look to our left and see an ocean. We climb more stairs. I see a narrow alley to our right. We climb more stairs. We just passed the door to the room where I was bathed and dressed. We climb more stairs and suddenly we're at the top of the city. There's a plaza. (No one else is there, but it doesn't feel abandoned as the area I think of as the port seems.)

There's a building with enormous, brown doors beyond a fountain in the center of the plaza. We walk toward the fountain and I expect to see a tree by it. I look for a tree but I don't see one there or anywhere else in the plaza. I hear the water splashing in a beautiful, simple fountain. There's ivy on one of the walls around the plaza. We approach the doors and they open for us.

It's dark inside. I expect a cathedral with pews, but there is a row of pillars down the center of the space. They go on and on, endlessly.

We stop by the closest pillar, the central row. There's a cup and a basin and we wash our hands. Asherah covers her eyes and seems to recite a prayer. I stand silently next to her, not knowing what to do.

We circle this pillar several times, like a bride circling the groom. I see pillars along the sides of the space, too. She gestures up the space between the central pillars and the row of pillars on our left. We approach the closest pillar on the left, she has me touch it, like I'd touch a mezuzah. Then we walk over to the closest pillar on the right and she has me touch that one, too. Then we go to a central pillar.

I wonder if these pillars represent sfirot. One's missing! I wonder if the plaza was Malchut.

We touch three more pillars, left, right, and center. I'm confused. Are we at Tiferet now? Or Da'at? But Da'at isn't real. And humans can't rise that high.

We must be at Tiferet. The room changes. It's bright now. There are two thrones. There's a mirror behind us. I'm very confused about where I am. I want to leave, but I don't say anything.

Asherah leads me to the two thrones. They are empty. I want Alan and Bonnie to be sitting in them.

There is someone siting in them, but I don't know who. I can't see them.

Asherah, I'm afraid. I asked you to bring me here, but I'm afraid.

I don't want to be near the thrones, so I ask her to show me the rest of the room.

There are large windows. One looks out at an ocean, not in the direction I would have expected the ocean to be. Another window looks out on fire-- I'm afraid again. She takes me to the earth window, where I see fields and trees. I see a great mountain through the air window.

She takes me back to the thrones. I'm not sure who is on them. I'm afraid. I look around the room again. The water window-- the view has changed; it's underwater. It's like looking into an aquarium. I'm afraid of the fire window and try not to look at it. The earth window is beautiful. Through the air window, I see an eagle soaring near the mountain.

Asherah, I don't feel comfortable in this place. I don't belong here.

She kneels in front of the thrones and I join her. She puts her arm around me. She's praying. I begin to repeat Sh'ma. We stay like this for a very long time.

Asherah sits on the throne to my right. Who is the male figure? Why is she on the right hand throne?
Then I am sitting on the throne next to Asherah.

Shalom, shalom, shalom.

We're holding hands, like my father and I did once when my mother was in surgery. I'm on the "male" throne and Asherah is on the "female" throne. [I was wrong: the male pillar is on the right and femal on the left, when facing the Tree of Life.] Behind me, to the right, is the air. Behind us, to the left, is the water. We see fire and earth. I only look into the earth window on the right. There's a mirror where we entered. It's image is not clear. Asherah is growing tall. Bright light. I don't want to see what I'm turning into. I don't want to be a dark figure, but I think I am. I'm afraid of the fire window. I cling to Asherah's hand.

We stand. I'm looking at our reflections in the mirror. She's a great, white light. I'm small and dark.

She asks me to face her. She hold both my hands. The darkness flows out of my head towards her. Her white light flows into my hands and my heart. She's filling me with light. My darkness dissolves inside her.

I can see my heart.

Asherah, I don't understand this.

I feel empty. I feel sad.

The black and white. They are balanced in me. Her white has some silver-gray in it.

She has me lie on the floor. She crosses my hands over my chest, like a mummy. My head is pointing toward the place where we entered. I don't see the windows any more. I'm crying. Her hands are on my hands and she sits with me.

Part of me is crying and part of me is thinking about how long it will take to type up this journey.

I don't understand what is happening.  

Come, I will lead you out, she says.

She helps me rise. The thrones are gone. We walk into the darkened temple. We leave more quickly than we arrived. We're in the plaza now. I asked if I can hug her. We hold each other. Asherah holds me. Then we walk back down the stairs. The ocean is there. The light is bright. We walk down stairs. At the top of the lowest flight of stairs, Hummingbird comes and carries me [down] through the clouds. And I'm on the balcony.

Thank you.

I'm back.

[Recording 10]

Journey - Bath and Garments

I intend to go to the Upper World for continued healing. I’m looking at the branches blowing in the breeze and calling Hummingbird.

Hummingbird grabs me and we fly up into the clouds. Going through the clouds. There’s the city with the stairs and the white buildings. Hummingbird drops me at the top of the first flight of stairs. I step forward.

Asherah, my teacher.

We greet each other.

I’ve come back. You said I should return so you could continue to remove fear from my heart. At least, I think that’s what you intended.

I can’t hear her and yet I think I know her answer.

Yes?

There’s so much other work to be done that I can’t name. Will you do those things, too?

I feel her answer.

Thank you.

This is the lowest room we’ve been in. The others were higher up the city stairs. But the room is the same. There’s someone here. Wearing yellow. A yellow hat? I think it’s a woman. She’s very short. She takes my left hand. I’m getting on the table. She’s standing next to me. Asherah is on my right.

Turquoise and yellow are flowing through me. Turquoise, yellow. Yellow, yellow, turquoise. It’s darker now, blue, dark blue. Flowing through me. It’s a river. I am water. I’m sunlight on water. I’m water. Washing everything away. Washing me away. Washing me away.

Asherah!

Blue and yellow. Being washed away. Being washed away. Pink now. Pink and purple.

My body is filled up with pink. My arms, not quite to my fingers… yes, to my fingers. My head. My ribcage is filling with pink and purple. I’m really, really hot. My legs are filling up with purple, blue, dark color. It’s the pink light. I’m really hot. The pink is turning to yellow again. Yellow is filling my whole body. Yellow, yellow. My lungs, my arms. Now they’re green.

They are pouring water over my body. Pouring water over me, water all over my body. I turn over. They’re pouring water all over my body. They’re scrubbing me with salt. [incoherent]…back of my neck, shoulders, arms.

I’ve turned over. They are pouring salt over my midline, scrubbing with salt, my arms, hands, legs, knees, my ankles, and feet.

Asherah is doing something, her hands dancing over me. Yellow Lady is pouring water over me.

I stand up and the water is still pouring over me and off my hands. Water is pouring all over me. The Yellow Lady wraps me in a towel. She wraps my head and my face; my whole body is wrapped up in white towels.

She takes the towel off and I’m suddenly cold. My skin is very cool. They’re putting something on me. I think it’s white. It’s over my shoulders, it’s flowing. There's something on my feet. Asherah places a necklace on me—it’s gold! (That surprises me; if I were imagining this, I would have chosen silver.) She places her hand over the necklace and my heart; someday, she’ll put a red stone in the necklace. The Yellow Lady covers my hair; I don’t like it, but I don’t say anything. Then she slides it down and wraps it around my shoulders so my hair is uncovered again. Asherah puts marks on my forehead; I don’t know what they are. There are four of them, four white marks. She presses her hands together. I bow and turn to the lady in yellow and she’s bowing.

Ahserah takes my right hand and leads me out. We look out and there’s water beyond the city, water where there was no water before. There’s an ocean. Asherah is holding my hand. She takes me to the ocean. Waves crash. The city is different somehow. Even as we go downhill, we’re still at sea level.

I squeeze her hand.

Tell me what I need to know.

She touches my throat.

It’s time for me to go.

Thank you.

I stand there because I don’t want to leave. I know it’s time to go. Hummingbird is coming. It’s time to go back. I don’t want to go.

We’re going back. We’re going through the clouds. Clouds. On the balcony.

Thank you, Hummingbird.

I see the tree branches blowing in the wind. I can still look up and see the city.

I’m back.

[Recording 8]

The day after this journey, the following card from Rachel Pollack's Shining Tribe Tarot appeared on my phone app as my card of the day. I'd never see this image before.

Six of Rivers

Shamanic Journey - Tendrils of Light and New Shoes

Going to the Upper World to see my teacher.

Standing on the balcony, watching branches blowing in the breeze. Hummingbird appears.

Hummingbird, I want to go to the Upper World.

We're off! We're flying over Tucson, then up into the clouds. I already see the city. The "port" is a big expanse of white stone. Hummingbird drops me off and I climb the stairs, looking for my teacher, Asherah. I see her.

You'll told me to come again and again to have fear removed. Is that what you want to do today?
 
We walk toward a doorway and then through it. It is darker than other rooms. There is an altar far to the left and a table in the center. Someone else in the room. Asherah escorts me to the table.

She strokes my hair. Remove the fear and panic from me. 

She puts her hands over my belly. More things come out, but not as much as the first time.

The other person comes and touches my feet.

Asherah, why can't I hear you speak?

The man is massaging my toes. Pressing his thumbs against the soles of my feet.

Now she is standing above my head... There are  tendrils inside my body... tendrils coming down from my head and tendrils coming up from my feet... They meet at my heart

She puts her hands on my shoulders; light goes down my arms and out my hands.

My stomach feels itchy. I don't know which stomach [the one in OR or the one in NOR].

I put my hands up to my ears. Light comes from my hands and travels into my head, down the tendrils that are filling my ribcage and connecting to other tendrils at my heart.

My belly's very itchy.

The light goes down the tendrils, to my hips and thighs. The light is pushing through my right knee, something pops out of my knee. The light is going down my left knee, both my ankles, to my feet, the soles of my feet, my toes.

I travel back up the light, back to my heart, my throat, my head.

The helper is still at my feet. I don't know what he's doing. It looks as if he's tying shoe laces, but I am not wearing shoes. He's putting glue on the bottom of my feet.

They have me stand up.

I hear the call-back. I don't know if they are finished, but I have to go back now. I bow to the man and turn to Asherah. I will continue coming for the healing of my fear. I'd like to hear what you have to say to me, what you can teach me, what I need to know. Next time?

She nods.

I walk out of the room, look around at the white city, go down the flight of stairs. Hummingbird comes and takes me back down through the clouds. They are not so wet this time. I land on the balcony. Thank you, Hummingbird. 

He flies away.

I am back.

[Recording 7]

Journey - Dismemberment

Going back because I'm supposed to get the same treatment for many days. Think I'll also mention my concerns about health, resources, and relationships.

I'm standing by the Saguaro, but I want to go to the Upper World. I wonder if the hummingbird will come and get me here. Ah yes!  

Hi, let's go to the Upper World.

We're traveling, traveling. Hummingbird is carrying me by the hair. We're moving up, up. I can still see the Saguaro, but we're moving up, up. Through the clouds. There are not many clouds. Up. A few more clouds.

We're traveling over the white city. I see stairs and more flights of stairs.

Hummingbird sets me down before my teacher, Asherah.  

Hello. I said I'd come back. You said I should come back for more healing of my fear and panic and stress so I can think clearly. I have other questions, but just one question per session? Okay, yes one question. I'm following you.

We go to a different place, no stairs to climb. We get there quickly. The room feels different; I'm not really sure how it's different. I get on a table.

She's touching the back of my neck, removing the feeling of panic. She's doing something to my ears. Her hands are over my ears. Now, one hand is over my forehead. Both hands are over my ears.

Her hands are on my rib cage. I don't know what she's doing.  

Oh! She breaks my rib cage open. I'm really not here for a dismemberment. Oh, you're breaking my hip bones, too. No! Don't break my legs apart! No. Is this really how you're going to remove my fears? 

Oh, not my feet? My arms are still okay, so are my neck and head. No, I'm not trying to draw your attention to them! What are you doing? You're digging through my flesh. 

You're just going to leave me like this? 

What are you doing? I can't tell what you're taking out. 

What are you doing with my right knee? What is that you are you putting on my knee? That's good; my knee needs help. 

Now you're doing something to my right ankle, now my left ankle, now my left knee. Is my leg any stronger? 

(Why am I thinking about food while someone is ripping my body apart?) 

You're no longer ripping my body apart, you're putting stuff in. Oh, you're scooping stuff out of my belly. You're looking around in my belly. Yeah, you can rearrange things; that'd be good.

I'm very aware of my body uncomfortable on the floor, and also of my body ripped open on the table.  
You're removing fear? Oh, that was when you were working on my ears. Now you're working on my health. 

Well, my hands need some help. 

She's holding my hands. It feels very nice. She's squeezing my hands.

Ok, why are you taking my fingers off?... You're putting them back on, I like that, that's good. What are you squeezing out of my fingers? And my thumbs. You're massaging my arms, that feels good. Oh, don't break my elbows! 

What are you doing to my head? 

Oh, that is the return call... 

You're shaking stuff out of my head. Can you put me back together, because I'm supposed to return soon.

She tells me to come back tomorrow.  

Are you going to put me back together? 

You're still working on my head...sort of... I think you've reattached it. 

That's my spine. How are you reaching under me to get to my spine? 

You're closing up my belly. My ribcage is closed. And my legs. Thank you for fixing my toes. 

You're pouring honey all over me. 

And I can go now. 

Thank you, Asherah.

I ask her a question about relationships. She doesn't answer.

I'm outside the door. Hummingbird?  We fly through clouds. They feel very real. And we travel through darkness. Then we are at the Saguaro. Thank you, Hummingbird. 

I'm back.

Drumming

[Recording 6]

Journey - pulling darkness out and pouring light in

I was sitting outside and thought of a fourth question to ask on my journey, when I looked up and saw a stray dog that looked very much like a wolf. I took that as a sign that this is the request I need to make when I visit my teacher today.

"Remove the fear that keeps me from being able to think clearly; remove the stress and the panic."

My other questions and requests are: Remove all ailments from my physical body so I have optimal health. Constantly give me insight into and understanding of my relationships. Give me the financial means to obtain the home I want here. 

Drumming starts.

I state my intention aloud: I'm going to visit my teacher and ask her to remove the fear, the panic, and the stress that comes when I'm trying to think clearly

I'm looking at the branches blowing
Hummingbird, hummingbird
Humming grabs my hair and pulls me up into the air
through the clouds
flying through the clouds
still aware of my body on the floor
through the clouds
breaking through
still moving up, still going up
aware of my body, also aware of hummingbird carrying me through the clouds
a staircase
flying higher, over more flights of stairs
I'm looking for my teacher
hummingbird sets me down
I'm climbing more stairs
step by step
my teacher there
I bow
Shara, Asherah, I've come to make a request
Shara, Shara remove the panic and stress that keep me from thinking clearly
Help me remain calm and engaged
Take the fear from me, take the voice in my ear away
Asharah
I'm standing here, making my request
Shara, Shara
We're climbing the stairs
I can see her sandals
I don't know what color her gown is, but it's very long
I can't tell if it's red or white
we're climbing the stairs
we're going into a different building
there's a massage table
Have you brought me here to take away my fear?
I get on the table
Shara walks around the table
Counterclockwise, from my right side to my feet to my left side
She's standing at my head
She's standing at my right side, her hands are above my belly
Remove my fear, remove my panic, remove the stress
Things are rising out of my body toward her hands
and then they disappear as they touch the aura of light around her hands
Lots and lots are coming out
She flings them away from me
Watching things rise out of my belly
I'm also very aware of my body on the floor
My belly
She moves her hands toward my knees
light is pouring into my knees
my shins
my ankles
my feet
Take aware the fear and the stress and the panic
she's on my left side now
focusing on my my feet, my knees, my hips
she's back to my belly
light pouring into by
things are flying out of my belly
her hand is touching my sternum
my chest
my throat
things are coming out of my throat
lots of things are coming out of my throat
her right hand is on the back of my neck
lots of things are coming out of my throat
now she puts her hand on the back of my neck
energy is coming into my skull and my neck
she puts a finger on my forehead
energy from hand right hand to the finger of her left, through my head
electricity, lightning
lightning all inside my head
she puts her finger on top of my skull
lightning, lightning
green and yellow lighting
lightning, lightning
it's coming out my ears
it's crackling around my skull
she tells me I have to come again and do again this many times
she takes her hands away
there's still lightning, yellow and green lightning
she puts her hands on my neck, my shoulders
energy pours through my arms and out my hands, from my palms and fingertips
she puts her hands on either side of my ribcage
lightning, energy
smoother than electricity, like honey
my pelvis, my hips
down my thighs
she comes around and puts her hands on my hips
again she puts her hands over my belly
things are coming out
coming out
she flings the stuff off her hands
she touches my knees and my ankles
i think that's the callback
she holds my toes
she puts her hands together and blesses me
I sit up and ask, Have you removed the fear?
Yes. But come back, we must do this every day 
I know she means: until she says it's gone, until I know it's gone
Thank you
She gestures toward the door
I get off the table and walk out
I look back, she's smiling
Thank you, I say again
I'll see you tomorrow
she nods
I step outside
it's warm, clear
I don't see a sun
Hummingbird comes
Home
Hummingbird grabs me by the hair and carries me over the stairs I'd climbed with Asherah
we're already in the clouds
they're very wet
we're back on the balcony
Thank you, Hummingbird.
I am back

Drumming track

[Recording 5]

Journey - Running Wolf

I journeyed to see the wolves in the cave and ask if they were the ones who helped me in the hospital.

Standing at the saguaro
my eyes are open behind the mask, but I'm standing at the saguaro
she's so amazing
so many hurts and she's still growing
there's the beehive, there's the woodpecker hole
i dive in
i go down, down down through the barrel of the cactus
in the tunnel
drumming speeds up
through the tunnel, tunnel, tunnel, through the tunnel
through the tunnel
through the tunnel
going through the tunnel
i'm in the cave
i can see the light from the hole up to my right
i walk forward over the loose rocks
the canoe is waiting for me
hello
i step in the water, i touch her left side
rub my hands from stem to stern
I reach across and just barely touch the other side
I get in
we're moving quickly, moving quickly through the water
we pass through the darkness and we're in the bigger cave with the pillars
racing, racing, racing
where were the pups and the mother?
hello again
the babies are asleep
the mother opens her eyes and looks at me
Hi
I resist the urge to reach out and touch her
I want to know if you helped me while I was in the hospital
Your babies are beautiful
she just stares at me
I look into her eyes
ah!
she was running
she was running in that room
how can you run so fast and be in that room, that surgery
she was dancing
she is running
she is running through that room
she is running, running, running, but she is in that room, in one place
O, Wolf, you helped me
that's the answer to my question
is there more you want me to know?
she's running hard
she's running hard
and fast
running and running and running
was she calling other beings for help?
no, it was her
she was running
lots of power
running on the surgeon's hands
running, running, through all those people
across me
running, running,
she was running
lots of energy to save me
running, running, running
Wolf, i see you running there
why?
it must be...
she's still now
energy is pouring into me
energy is pouring into me from Wolf's face
she's sitting there in the surgery
pouring energy into me
the room's changing
it's a white room
I and the wolf, we're in the Temple
she's walking out, she's leading me out
we walk out
now we're back in the dark black cave with her pups and my canoe
you saved my life, what am I supposed to do?
she licks my hand
I cautiously reach out and touch her face
she licks my hand
what am I to do?
she snuggles with her pups and goes to sleep
snuggles with her pups
her nose over them
there's a message in that... nurturing the pups
caring for her offspring
resting
resting
I did rest a lot for a long time after the surgery
resting, nurturing
I want more (information), but I ask Canoe to take me back
Canoe hesitates!
we sit there with the wolves
now we're turning around
we're heading back through the big cave, through the tunnel
to where the river comes out in the first cave
I wonder what the source of the river is
but canoe stops and I stroke both sides
I get out, stand in the water, and say farewell
the canoe goes up the river into the darkness
I walk back through the first cavern to the tunnel
I crouch down and crawl into the tunnel
travelling through the tunnel
I'm out of the saguaro
I look at the beehive
I'm back

Drumming link

[Recording 3]

Journey - Repairing Canoe and Seeing Wolf Pups

I journeyed to learn what power saved my life during the major surgery at Ichilov in April 2018.

I'd thought I was recording my journey, but I wasn't. Here's what I recall:

Standing at the saguaro, entering a tunnel, then remembering that I'd intended to visit my teacher in the upper world. I tried to stop and retrace my way back through the tunnel, but the drumming propelled me forward. Darkness continued and I didn't reach the cave.

I stopped and restarted the drumming, noticing that I'd been traveling for over three minutes.

Standing on the balcony, looked at the hummingbird feeder, the wall, and the tree with its branches blowing in the wind. The hummingbird grabbed me by the hair and carried me upward. We went through lots of clouds.

When I saw the white city, I expected him to drop me off at the lowest part, but he took me past one flight of stairs. I walked up more stairs in the empty city, looking for the place where I'd seen my teacher in the past. Nothing looked familiar. As I neared the top of another flight of stairs, I saw my teacher, not wearing red this time. Perhaps her clothing was white, but I could barely see her, she was vague and transparent. I spoke to her and reached out. She took my hand but didn't say anything to me.

After asking for her help several times and getting no answer, I called the hummingbird. He grabbed my hair, carried me down through the clouds to the balcony.

I stood in front of the saguaro again, traveled through the tunnel to the cave. I walked to the right, climbed the rocks to the opening, and climbed out onto the grass. I saw the ocean and called out for help. I think I saw a dolphin in the distance, leaping out of the water, but I wasn't sure. I called again and waited. I looked around for the buildings I'd seen the first time I'd visited, but they weren't in view. I called for the dove.

Finally, I climbed back down into the cave and walked to the river. The canoe didn't appear at first. When it did, it was damaged and sort of transparent as my teacher had been. I walked into the water and started stroking the left (port?) side, trying to strengthen and heal it. The right (starboard?) side was fine. I kept stroking it all along the side and back to the tip at the back (stern?). When it was substantial again, I got into it.

We floated along with the water, just drifting together. I was content to stay that way. Eventually, we came to the "pillars." I did not see a volcano opening above us. I asked my question and then our speed increased.

I saw movement or eyes along the wall of the cave. We headed towards it. Wolf cubs and their mother. One cub went back to nursing with its siblings and the mother gazed into my eyes. I asked if they had helped me when I was in the hospital. She was looking into my eyes when the drumming stopped.

I don't want to go now, but it has to be. I'll return to talk to you again.

Somehow, I instructed the canoe to take me back to the first cave. When I got out and stood in the water, I stroked the right side of the canoe as I had the left. Then I walked to the tunnel and returned to the saguaro.

[not recorded]

Journey - Sea and stars

I didn't make plans before my journey. Perhaps that is why nothing much happened.

drumming begins

i'm walking to the saguaro
she's tall
I dive to the roots
and then the tunnel

journeying, journeying, journeying

i'm in the cave
but all i feel is my body on the bed

i walk to the river, expecting the canoe
it's dark

maybe i'm still in the tunnel
darkness
travelling, travelling
travelling

drumming is louder and more intense, so is the darkness
travelling, travelling
there's movement in the darkness

i'm in the canoe
we're moving through the darkness

where should i go?

there are stars and sea

what holds me back from living my life, engaging?

we dive into the water
deep, deep
there are fish around
we need light!
still darkness

we're rising
out of the lonely water

travelling on the water through the dark
there are stars
purplish glow of a distant galaxy
I hear the water

traveling through the sky, it is dark
the canoe and i move forward
the dark
through the dark

take me towards the light

that's what i'm doing

why is the journey so long?

travelling, travelling

someone help me!

something green
tree roots?
it's gone

take me back

the music stops

the darkness

my body on the bed inhales deeply
I'm here, in my room

[Recording 2]

Journey

First time journeying in over a year... had forgotten which of the saved drumming videos was best.

Could feel the dampness of the cave. And again, I could hear running water, but not the loose stones I was walking on. No canoe appeared, so I climbed to the hole in the ceiling of the cave. Amazed at my strength climbing. Could hear the ocean and feel the wind. As I stood to look at the ocean, the drumming paused, signalling return.

Returned reluctantly. Found I was very agile climbing down. As I travelled back along the tunnel, I seemed to just then be getting into a deep trance. The drumming continued as I stood by the Saguaro, so I danced for a while before turning the music off.

The youtube video is an hour long, but apparently it contains multiple repetitions of one three-and-a-half minute drumming session.

Journey

(In bed, not planning to record my journey.)

Journeyed to Lower World. Saguaro-square danced with me and then pointed to the desert in the south.

Returned.

(Drifted off to sleep)


EDIT: I moved south to Eilat. It saved my life.

Journeys

What is the most enriching way for me to proceed?
What is the most enriching way for me to proceed?
What is the most enriching way for me to proceed?

Hummingbird grabs me by the hair and we travel through lots and lots of clouds
When we pass through the barrier, there are stars and white pavement
the sky is black but we're not in the dark
He leaves me at the bottom of the stairs
I climb them, pass the small, doorless buildings with domed roofs
pass children and an old woman who looks me in the eye when I nod to her
I pass larger, white, domed buildings
When I reach the two stair cases, my teacher is waiting

Hello, Sharah

She takes me by the hand and we climb further
Then we turn down a white alley and shortly reach the desert

We begin walking in the desert
There's lots of dust, we raise it with our steps
After we walk for a while, I see that the land drops off in the distance
We reach that point and Shara begins to climb down
It's very steep and there are loose rocks
Sometimes she reaches back to help me over difficult places

The vegetation gets thick, but she pushes a way through
I hear the sound of rushing water
We reach the river and she pushes me in
When I come up and open my eyes, she's not laughing
I immerse completely and when I come up again, she cries, Kosher

So I immerse two more times
The water is rushing very quickly, the current is strong, but I stay in one place, near Shekhina
(Shekhina? Why not Shara?)

She tells me to stay there, so I lie on my back and look at the sky
It's daytime, but there are stars
The water is very cold, but I'm warm
When I want to come out, she reaches down and helps me
She wraps me in something brown and soft
We stand next to each other
I'm glad I immersed
Was that the answer to my question?

I put an arm around her shoulders and she puts an arm around my waist
We stand there looking at the river
I want to dive back in the river, but I remain still

An eagle flies overhead
I ask her to teach me something
She sits down on the edge over the river and I do, too
My feet don't touch the water
See that eagle, she says, he was a prince

I wait for the rest of the story, but she doesn't say anything more
the sky becomes dark
cloudy and dark
the hills on either side of the river are blackness
lightning and then thunder

I want to dive into the river, but I can't see it anymore because of the darkness
I look at the sky, lightning behind the clouds
then thunder
the clouds' glow becomes green
the green light becomes brighter, but I still can't distinguish anything around me

I say, I'm scared, and I reach for my teacher's hand

Don't be afraid, she says

It's daytime again
The sky is blue and there are no stars
I jump into the river and begin swimming
I'm swimming hard, but I'm moving with the current, too
Shekhinah is with me
The water is rushing uphill
Soon we're traveling very steeply uphill

There a water-rise (a reverse waterfall)
At the top, I'm standing in still, shallow water
I look up and see a drop of water hit the surface of the water, I'm at the bottom of a green pool
drops of water make rings on the water's green surface
There are plants growing down here, at the top of the waterfall
The bottom of the pool isn't large, not much space to walk further
I look up at the green water and wonder if I will float to the top
I'm lying on my back looking up in surprise because the sky is blue, not green

I sink to the bottom of the pool
I'm very sleepy
What happens if you fall asleep while you're journeying?
I swim down the waterfall, it's hard to go against the current
I keep swimming and see that I'm alone
Finally, I reach the spot where I immesed and Shekhina pulls me out
She wraps me up again and I tell her I'm very tired
She puts an arm around me and walks me up the hill
It's not so steep now and there's a path to the right

When we get to the top, she walks in a new direction
We reach her home, lots of white pavement, pillars, statues
The waterfountain and two couches are inside
Someone is waiting, kneeling on the floor between the couches, making coffee
She puts little cups on the table
My teacher points to one, I pick it up
When she lifts hers, we both drink
It's delicious
She tells me to go home and sleep

I walk outside, fly over vineyards and orchards to the base of the stairs
Hummingbird appears and carries be back

It took exactly the same amount of time to write this up as it did to journey. And I'm certain that I forgot some things.

Edit: Did I ever ask my question, "What is the most enriching way for me to proceed?"
 
 

Journeys

It has been too long since I journeyed. Not sure what intention to set. I've already have an answer about Nutmeg.

How can I feel more centered and more accepting of uncertainty?
How can I feel more accepting of uncertainty?
How can I feel more accepting of uncertainty?

(or how about: how can I have more fun right now?)

How can I feel more accepting of uncertainty?

As soon as the drumming starts, I am standing beneath the arm of the saguaro
I ask, How can I feel more accepting of uncertainty?
I enter the wood pecker nest and travel down the trunk and short roots
Travelling through the tunnel at a moderate speed, but reach the cave immediately
Walk across the rocks to the river and the canoe is there
I get in and we float down the river
It's dark but I can see clearly
We pass the very small beach, go around a curve, and reach the underground lake
Instead of gliding toward the "pillars," the canoe stops

It asks me, without words, where I want to go
I picture Saguaro and we move forward
When we are under the volcano's narrow cone, I float up

It's daytime, but not extremely bright
I see Saguaro and walk down the side of the mountain a short distance to reach her
She's still growing from hardened black lava and there is still hardened red lava behind her
I say, Hi, and she bows slightly
I bow back

I feel terrible, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm so worried. How can I be more accepting of uncertainty?
Saguaro hugs me and there are no needles to hurt me
She very holds me very close and it feels wonderful
I say, I want to stay like this forever
She doesn't stop hugging me and we're very close, we have almost merged into one
We hug for a long time

Then we're not hugging any more
I'm standing in front of her, looking at her, waiting
She takes my hand and begins walking up the mountain, not toward the cone, but a little to the left
We're walking very, very slowly

I expect there will be more ocean, and there is
We continue walking, down the gentle slope on the other side
There are scrub bushes, dry, desert bushes that seem out of place
Saguaro picks a leaf for me to eat
I'm surprised that it's thick and succulent
I ask, So walking and eating will be good for me?

I want to swim and I think about flying to the ocean and diving in, but I stay with Saguaro
Saguaro touches me on the back and, without words, tells me to follow my impulses

I fly to the ocean and dive straight in
Good form, I say

I realize I have a mermaid's tail and I move it
It propels me through the water very fast
I pass a school of dark fish
I turn over on my back and can see Saguaro in the distance
The water's not smooth enough for me to just float and relax, so I go underwater again

As I move further out, I notice no other life
I wonder if I'll find seaweed if I go deeper
I don't like this-- no life, just like my first journeys to the lower world
I turn back and swim swiftly to shore
I wonder how I'll move on land with a tail and decide to just lie in the sand and waves

But I don't have a chance to do that; the drumming changes
I look up at Saguaro and wave
Then I fly up and to the volcano's cone
The canoe takes me back
The drumming is very slow and I move through the tunnel very slowly
But then, I'm standing by the saguaro and I say, I'm back.

(I wish I could record my sessions. Typing them up afterward is a chore I don't enjoy.)  

Journey

My intention was to ask Saguaro how I can help Nutmeg and Sophie the Dog become friends.

I went to the saguaro and looked at her and her new growth. Then I stood under one of her arms and dove into the woodpecker nest.

I traveled down her roots and through the tunnel to the cave. I noticed again that I didn't hear my feet walking across the fist-sized rocks or the water flowing in the river.

The canoe was there and took me down the river, through the darkness, past the tiny beach, and to the underground lake with its pillars. When we were under the volcanoe's cone, I looked up and saw stars and black sky.

I floated up and stood on the side of the mountain. I didn't recognize any constellations, but I wouldn't necessarily. I walked and slid down the side of the mountain to Saguaro. Even in the dark I could distinguish black lava and red lava rock.

Hi

Hi

My cat's moving in with a dog called Sophie. What can I do to help them get along, become friends?

Saguaro raised her (?! last time: he) arms to the stars and waved them about.
She was dancing in place with her face upraised.

You want me to pray?

You got it.

I spoke to Grandfather Sky, the stars of the lower world, Nutmeg's spirit, and Sophie's spirit.
And I prayed.

Since there's more time, will you tell me how to take care of my health? Lab work says I am very sick.

Before I finished speaking, Saguaro walked behind me and put her hands on my back.
She was vibrating.
Then she put my hands on my back and her "hands" on my shoulder, and we began dancing under the stars.
She spun me around and we kept dancing.
I saw myself in Israel, energetic, moving about. Perhaps dancing through Israel will heal me.
My dancing became quite vigorous as I stomped to the beat of the drum.

The stars darkened and we stopped dancing.
I should be looking toward the future. Should I stop writing about the past?

You want to write.

Yes. How can I write and still look forward?

Light a candle. Set a boundary of space and time.

Okay. Is there anything you want to show me while I'm here?

I thought she was going to take my hand, but she didn't, and then the drum rythm chaged.
I have to go. Thank you for answering my questions about Nutmeg, my health, and writing.

I rushed up the hill and dropped feet first into the volcano.
The canoe took me back to the river, and struggled upstream.
I stepped out of the canoe and I glanced upriver toward the grassy opening that I sometimes use when exploring the lower world.

The drumming stopped and I looked at the canoe and said, Thank you. I could see the turquoise designs on its side.
Then I ran through the cave, rushed up the tunnel, and was back.

 

Journey

I will meet Saguaro in the lower world and ask for healing.

I walk toward the saguaro and stand under one of her arms
I state my intention three times
Then I travel down her roots and through the tunnel

I reach the cave and walk to the river
I wait only a moment before the canoe appears
I sit in the canoe and we travel down the river, past the little beach, and to the underground lake

I float up to the opening of the volcano
I see only ocean and loose, black rocks
But again, it strikes me that this landscape is not lifeless as the first one was

I walk down the steep mountain side
The Saguaro stands on black, cooled lava
Behind him is red, but cooled lava
Somehow not out of place in this landscape
There are many green, non-tropical trees behind him
I approach and explain why I've come
Will you heal me?

Yes

I sit on the ground
For several moments, he does nothing
Then Saguaro raises his arms and points to my heart
White energy flows at my heart

My heart is a smooth, white stone
It vibrates as the energy touches it
Saguaro dances as he sends energy to my heart
My whole body vibrates
This continues for a long time

Then my throat fills with the energy
It feels swollen and painful

Saguaro continues to send energy to my heart and my whole body vibrates
My throat feels very uncomfortable, but I just accept the feeling
(I am aware of my body in ordinary reality and it feels very, very tired)

After a long time, Saguaro stops and lifts his arms
We talk briefly (I can't remember what we said)
Then he falls asleep

I stand and bow
Thank you

I look at the ocean and the rocky hillside
Then I look up and see a bird soaring
I float up, looking up at the bird and then down at the volcano
I decide to follow the bird
It circles out further and further, to the ocean and back over the Saguaro
I dive into the volcano

The canoe and I journey back to the cave

Thank you, I say, before traveling back to the other saguaro

Journey

I approached the saguaro, my entry to the lower world, and announced my intention to meet the spirit of Saguaro

The tunnel was completely dark
I traveled along it for a very long time before arriving in the cave

I couldn't see anything, but made my way to the river
I could sense the canoe passing
I waited for it to pass before walking up river

Suddenly I decided to travel downriver in the canoe
Stop!

I jumped in quickly
Laying on my stomach and facing forward, I traveled down river in the canoe

We reached the large, underground lake with its "pillars"
We traveled on the lake for a very long time
Then I looked up and saw sunlight

It was like and not like the top of a volcano
Only a little of the top was missing, the peak of the former mountain was still mostly there

I floated up, leaving the canoe behind

Loose, black, pumice covered the top of the mountain
The ocean was visible in the distance
I walked down
I didn't see plants or animals, but the place did not seem lifeless

Then I saw a Saguaro with two arms standing a little ways below
There were green trees behind it
I walked toward it

I've come to meet you. May I ask for a healing?

Yes.

What kind of healing can you give me?

It showed me a vision
My heart exploded like a volcano, for a moment it was a smooth white stone
I wondered

I don't understand, but I will think about what you've shown me
What kind of healing can I offer my saguaro, the one I call Asherah?

Offer her more root-beer. And bless her bees.

Really?

Offer her more root-beer. And bless her bees.

Okay. I don't understand what you showed me about my heart, but thank you for your time.
I'm going now.

I walked back up the slope of loose, black, stone

Stepped over the edge and floated down
The canoe was still there and we traveled back
I stepped out when we reached the cave and said, Thank you
I walked back to the tunnel and journeyed quickly back to the saguaro

Journey

I entered through the saguaro boot, down its roots, and into the tunnel

Something pushed the soil and created a different tunnel
There were fingers redirecting me
And I traveled through the fur of a bunny rabbit
The new tunnel opened into a tiled hallway

The floors and walls and ceiling were covered in white, bathroom tiles
Someone hurried me in one direction and then back to a different hallway
We descended stairs
And then we were in a subway station
The platform was also covered in white, bathroom tiles
A train came from the left, stopped, and then moved on
We had to wait for another

I was looking the wrong way
There was a track behind me
A train arrived and the doors opened
I was given three lei of pink flowers

Then I saw a man who was sick or dying
He reached out to me and I started to hand him the pink lei

Someone... my power animal, I think... reminded me that I'd been told not to part with the lei
But the man needed them, so I handed them to him anyway and he vanished

It was time to travel back
Dove flew me back to the tunnel

I think I fell asleep before we made it all the way back. Then I dreamed that a flight I was supposed to take was cancelled and we all had to wait for another flight. A stewardess kept telling me that I could take a different flight to a different place. I continued to wait with the other passengers. Finally, I understood that I was the scheduled pilot on the other flight. She explained that I'd be back in time to take the flight to Mexico and spend Passover with my children. I was a man in the dream. I ran toward the other plane, but the airport was designed poorly and I had to climb a ramp that everyone was using to get to their flights.

Edit: I found a used book... "Giving away a lei that had been presented to you was considered most unfortunate. Additionally, it was considered wrong to ask for a lei that another was wearing." - Hawaiian Religion and Magic by Scott Cunningham
 

Journey

I intended to go to the upperworld and ask for two healings.

Hummingbird took me to the upper world, directly to my teacher's home.

One of the women who had healed me last time was sitting on the floor by the two couches doing some sort of handicraft. I asked her if she'd do more healing on my foot and she did.

My teacher arrived and I asked her to heal my life. She began drumming on an enormous but very thin hand drum. (I kept thinking of it as a tambourine.) She held it before her face and beat a rhythm with her right hand. She continued for a long time, her rhythm reinforcing the recorded drumming.

I decided she was telling me that journeying was how I'll heal. Then I wondered if she was telling me to do more drumming.

She stopped and took me to the fountain where I splashed water on my face and then washed and dried her hands. I thanked her and the other woman. Then hummingbird took me back.

Music

Journey

I had decided to learn how to journey, hoping that I could discover the answer myself. Today, I decided to ask my question.

I went to the saguaro, entered the "boot," traveled down the saguaro's roots, and through the tunnel

I did not see the canoe floating down the river this time

When I came out of the grassy opening, I was overwhelmed by the presence of the ocean
I think that, for a second, I heard the waves
Dove did not appear immediately and I just let myself feel the power of the ocean below

When Dove arrived, I put out my left hand and he landed there
I asked if I could stroke his feathers and he let me
We stood there for a very long time as I admired the texture and sheen of his white feathers

Eventually, I told him that I'd come to ask a question
After I did, he began shuffling back and forth across my finger
He was dancing to the drumming
I laughed, but considered what it could mean
Then he began moving his head to the rhythm, too
I laughed again, but asked him to be more literal, more explicit

He flew away and I followed him, hoping we weren't going to spend hours in the clouds again

Two islands appeared in the distance
It took a long time to reach them, but he only turned around and flew back to the familiar coast line
I playfully chased him around that piece of land and then he landed on my hand again
I stroked his feathers and warned him with mock seriousness I'd be back if I couldn't figure out his message
He took me through the grassy opening and alone, I retraced my path back to the saguaro

I napped for a short time immediately after the journey. When I woke up, the first thing I thought of was the song Waltzing Mathilda.

Journey

Shorter route
Hummingbird took me directly to my teacher's home

Asharah and I drank tea and sat together
I had intended to ask something else, but I asked her for healing

I explained that I wanted evidence that she is real
She looked at my left foot and ran her fingers over the toe nails
We sat a while longer

Then we went into the back of her house
It was a marble floor and there were pillars
I think she wanted to go beyond the patio, but I resisted

I asked her how should I live and she repeated my question

Then she lifted my hands above my head
Like I'm victorious?

We went back inside and one of her servants began working on my foot
Another massaged me neck and later my right knee
Asherah and I communed over tea while that was going on

She wanted me to travel with her down the flowing water in the fountain
I resisted again-- I don't know why
Eventually, I thanked the servants
They weren't done, so I stayed longer
Then Asherah had me bathe in the fountain

She walked me to the door and Hummingbird took be back the usual route

I realized midway through the journey that I wasn't narrating it aloudI think that's why it was less vivid that other journeys

Journey

I tried journeying outdoors and used a rattle. Even though no one was around, throughout my journey, part of me continued to be aware of my body and the place I was sitting.

After traveling the usual route and climbing through the grassy opening, Dove flew at me and landed on my left shoulder. I asked him if he'd take me to a safe place in the middle world. He said nothing and I waited.

Finally, he flew us to my teacher's house in the upper world and the three of us flew down to a blue ocean on earth toward several small islands. We came to a small lagoon and waterfall. I noticed there were no palm trees or flowers, but lots of ferns and vines. There was a young woman kneeling by the water. She was wearing some kind of skirt and a lei. She didn't seem to see us. My teacher said she was a ghost. (I don't know why I didn't get into the water.)

I asked my teacher something (I don't remember what) and I couldn't quite hear her answer; I thought she might be telling me that I shouldn't visit the middle world alone and that, right now, I don't need to visit the middle world at all.

My teacher returned to the upper world and Dove took me back to the grassy opening. I traveled the usual route very quickly.