A Sense of Place

An online acquaintance once asked for guest posts for her new blog, A Sense of Place. When she got no responses, I wrote this. It didn’t quite fit—maybe too personal, maybe not smart enough—so I’m sharing it here instead. And since the title is perfect, I’m stealing it, because the subject is important to me.

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By the time I was sixteen years old, I had lived in thirty-one different places and would soon spend the summer in a thirty-second place. There is one surprising result of a peripatetic childhood: it makes first dates difficult.

The stock question for first dates is “Where are you from?” An inability to answer that question to your date's satisfaction pretty much derails the date.

Most people have trouble comprehending the words, “We moved a lot.” (That sentence is in English, right?) They repeat the question relentlessly as if I haven’t answered.

On first dates, there seemed to be no way to change the subject. He’d persist, asking where I was born, and would look puzzled that I didn't know anything about that town. Then he’d ask where I went to high school and look painfully confused when I named three places. I would tell him where I went to college, and then he’d say… you guessed it… "But where are you from?"

An outright lie invariably backfired. Twice I said, “I’m from here,” and each time the response was, “Me, too! Which high school did you go to?” The clumsy back-pedaling might have been funny if I hadn’t been the woman on the bike. (Once, I named my dad's hometown—a place I've never visited— but that Jewish-geography-thing caused me trouble.)

Sometimes, I’d try to beat my date to the punch by asking where he was from and trying to grill him about the place and his childhood memories. Apparently my interrogation technique was poor, because it never worked. He would dodge answering my questions by asking me The Dreaded Question.

I seriously considered making up a town. Since I'm a poor liar, I figured it wouldn't help me—and besides, why should I need to make something up? My answer seemed perfectly valid to me: we moved a lot. Simple.

People’s obsession with the question is still bewildering. If you tell me that you are from a particular place, what have I learned about you? When I meet people, I want to know what they like to do, what books they've read, how close they are to friends and family, and what they are passionate about. I seldom ask anyone, "Where are you from?" Honestly, if you don’t have an exotic accent, I won't even think to ask.

One time, though, I did get a hint at the importance of being from somewhere. After college, I lived in one place for seven years. I left briefly, and when I returned, I was stunned at my reaction to streets and buildings and parks. Each held a different memory. Everywhere I looked, my physical eyes could almost see ghostly images of past events.

Maybe that’s what it feels like to be from somewhere—not just a location, but a living map of memories. And yet, I still don’t know why it matters to anyone else.

Katzrin immediately felt like home

The High Priestess and The Hierophant

The High Priestess is one of the most recognizable and well-liked cards in the tarot deck. The attractive image of a mysterious woman, gazing at us compassionately is appealing.

The High Priestess asks us to pause and listen to our own souls before we proceed on our journey. She has found her right path and knows we can, too. She is silent and doesn't try to impose her answers on us, because her ego doesn't require that she be a respected authority. As a guide, she is receptive to our needs rather than being authoritative.

The Rider-Waite deck places her between two pillars symbolic of hierarchical, organized religion. In contrast, the Gaian Tarot frees her from man-made structures and places her in Nature. The somatic experience of being outdoors and feeling Nature's rhythms helps us connect to our intuition and our souls. The Priestess knows that we can become our own best guides.

Another religious figure in the tarot is The Hierophant, who is also seated between two pillars. The personality of this guide is very different than that of the High Priestess. In the Robin Wood Tarot, he is a tall, corpulent man gazing down sternly at two young children. He is an authority figure in a negative sense of the word. Maintaining the hierarchy has become his paramount concern and he is unwilling to engage, in a meaningful way, those who turn to him for guidance. His arrogance has stunted his own spiritual growth and he doesn't expect to be held to the same standards of behavior that he imposes on others.

In the Gaian Tarot, Joanna Powell Colbert changed the name of this card from "The Hierophant" to "The Teacher." Joanna's teacher sits on the ground, inviting us to join him. (Or is it her?) A teacher cannot teach without understanding his or her students, without trying to be at their "level." The Gaian Tarot's Teacher wants to help, but does not believe that she is superior to her students.

At his best, The Hierophant may indicate the wisdom of tradition, the experience of previous generations, or practices that will help us grow. How can we know which teachers to trust with the profound, spiritual moments of our lives? Too often, we hear of narcissistic, religious leaders behaving in self-serving and unethical ways.

Each card in the deck signifies a range of qualities from negative to positive. The Hierophant card can represent anything from reliable guidance to spiritual tyranny. The High Priestess card can indicate the search for spiritual truths or aimless superficiality.

We may turn to traditional teachings or communities to avoid the self-reflection and inner work that the High Priestess asks of us. However, The Hierophant also reminds us that self-discipline and effort are part of the spiritual journey. When we are attracted to the less rigid forms of spirituality that the High Priestess implies, we may also abandon clear thinking and hard work as we pursue passing attractions to superficial fads.

When either of these cards appears in a reading, you are facing a transformative spiritual lesson. Be sure you are following your own path and attending to it diligently.

Paws of the Moon... because the moon never pauses

Menopause may be right around the corner for me and I don’t know what to expect. I’ve heard laughing comments about hot flashes and several times my mother whispered quickly that I should never take any hormone drugs. She said that all her friends who had taken those drugs had died. That’s the extent of my knowledge.

I didn’t know what my period was when it arrived. I would like to know what menopause is when it arrives. Why is there no cute, little book about what to anticipate? Something like, What to Expect When You're Expecting Menopause.

Amazon has books by medical doctors. It also has books with chilling titles like, Menopause Sucks: What to Do When Hot Flashes and Hormones Make You and Everyone Else Miserable.

You can also find books with discouraging titles like, The Menopause Makeover: The Ultimate Guide to Taking Control of Your Health and Beauty During Menopause.  For goodness sake! Can’t we just become gray and wrinkled gracefully and gratefully?  

I did find one happy title: Menopause 52 Brilliant Ideas, but then the subtitle disappointed me: Relief and remedies for the symptoms of menopause. Will I really need to “balance” my hormones, or will this be the new balance?

It would be good to have a little bit of medical information. What I really want, though, is to learn from other women’s personal experiences.

If I asked, what would women say it was like for them? Is it a discrete period of time or is it the rest of your life? Would they share a lot of information about their bodies, or would they talk about their lives? Would they focus on physical symptoms or about meaning? Is the experience different for women with children than for women who never had children?

For some reason, I expect to hear that this is an exciting time and that I’ll have a sense of renewal and new possibilities, but maybe I’m being unrealistic. I hope to nurture a wonderful, new life, but if menopause is just a physical ailment, what can I do to be healthy?

Am I the person who should write that cute, little book?  Do you think many women would be willing to talk to me and let me publish their experiences?

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Addendum: Originally, seven women agreed to be interviewed, but in the end, only two let me interview them. I may not get too far on this project.

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September 1, 2013: Look what I found online! A cute, little book about menopause!