Journey - Running Wolf

I journeyed to see the wolves in the cave and ask if they were the ones who helped me in the hospital.

Standing at the saguaro
my eyes are open behind the mask, but I'm standing at the saguaro
she's so amazing
so many hurts and she's still growing
there's the beehive, there's the woodpecker hole
i dive in
i go down, down down through the barrel of the cactus
in the tunnel
drumming speeds up
through the tunnel, tunnel, tunnel, through the tunnel
through the tunnel
through the tunnel
going through the tunnel
i'm in the cave
i can see the light from the hole up to my right
i walk forward over the loose rocks
the canoe is waiting for me
hello
i step in the water, i touch her left side
rub my hands from stem to stern
I reach across and just barely touch the other side
I get in
we're moving quickly, moving quickly through the water
we pass through the darkness and we're in the bigger cave with the pillars
racing, racing, racing
where were the pups and the mother?
hello again
the babies are asleep
the mother opens her eyes and looks at me
Hi
I resist the urge to reach out and touch her
I want to know if you helped me while I was in the hospital
Your babies are beautiful
she just stares at me
I look into her eyes
ah!
she was running
she was running in that room
how can you run so fast and be in that room, that surgery
she was dancing
she is running
she is running through that room
she is running, running, running, but she is in that room, in one place
O, Wolf, you helped me
that's the answer to my question
is there more you want me to know?
she's running hard
she's running hard
and fast
running and running and running
was she calling other beings for help?
no, it was her
she was running
lots of power
running on the surgeon's hands
running, running, through all those people
across me
running, running,
she was running
lots of energy to save me
running, running, running
Wolf, i see you running there
why?
it must be...
she's still now
energy is pouring into me
energy is pouring into me from Wolf's face
she's sitting there in the surgery
pouring energy into me
the room's changing
it's a white room
I and the wolf, we're in the Temple
she's walking out, she's leading me out
we walk out
now we're back in the dark black cave with her pups and my canoe
you saved my life, what am I supposed to do?
she licks my hand
I cautiously reach out and touch her face
she licks my hand
what am I to do?
she snuggles with her pups and goes to sleep
snuggles with her pups
her nose over them
there's a message in that... nurturing the pups
caring for her offspring
resting
resting
I did rest a lot for a long time after the surgery
resting, nurturing
I want more (information), but I ask Canoe to take me back
Canoe hesitates!
we sit there with the wolves
now we're turning around
we're heading back through the big cave, through the tunnel
to where the river comes out in the first cave
I wonder what the source of the river is
but canoe stops and I stroke both sides
I get out, stand in the water, and say farewell
the canoe goes up the river into the darkness
I walk back through the first cavern to the tunnel
I crouch down and crawl into the tunnel
travelling through the tunnel
I'm out of the saguaro
I look at the beehive
I'm back

Drumming link

[Recording 3]

Journey - Repairing Canoe and Seeing Wolf Pups

I journeyed to learn what power saved my life during the major surgery at Ichilov in April 2018.

I'd thought I was recording my journey, but I wasn't. Here's what I recall:

Standing at the saguaro, entering a tunnel, then remembering that I'd intended to visit my teacher in the upper world. I tried to stop and retrace my way back through the tunnel, but the drumming propelled me forward. Darkness continued and I didn't reach the cave.

I stopped and restarted the drumming, noticing that I'd been traveling for over three minutes.

Standing on the balcony, looked at the hummingbird feeder, the wall, and the tree with its branches blowing in the wind. The hummingbird grabbed me by the hair and carried me upward. We went through lots of clouds.

When I saw the white city, I expected him to drop me off at the lowest part, but he took me past one flight of stairs. I walked up more stairs in the empty city, looking for the place where I'd seen my teacher in the past. Nothing looked familiar. As I neared the top of another flight of stairs, I saw my teacher, not wearing red this time. Perhaps her clothing was white, but I could barely see her, she was vague and transparent. I spoke to her and reached out. She took my hand but didn't say anything to me.

After asking for her help several times and getting no answer, I called the hummingbird. He grabbed my hair, carried me down through the clouds to the balcony.

I stood in front of the saguaro again, traveled through the tunnel to the cave. I walked to the right, climbed the rocks to the opening, and climbed out onto the grass. I saw the ocean and called out for help. I think I saw a dolphin in the distance, leaping out of the water, but I wasn't sure. I called again and waited. I looked around for the buildings I'd seen the first time I'd visited, but they weren't in view. I called for the dove.

Finally, I climbed back down into the cave and walked to the river. The canoe didn't appear at first. When it did, it was damaged and sort of transparent as my teacher had been. I walked into the water and started stroking the left (port?) side, trying to strengthen and heal it. The right (starboard?) side was fine. I kept stroking it all along the side and back to the tip at the back (stern?). When it was substantial again, I got into it.

We floated along with the water, just drifting together. I was content to stay that way. Eventually, we came to the "pillars." I did not see a volcano opening above us. I asked my question and then our speed increased.

I saw movement or eyes along the wall of the cave. We headed towards it. Wolf cubs and their mother. One cub went back to nursing with its siblings and the mother gazed into my eyes. I asked if they had helped me when I was in the hospital. She was looking into my eyes when the drumming stopped.

I don't want to go now, but it has to be. I'll return to talk to you again.

Somehow, I instructed the canoe to take me back to the first cave. When I got out and stood in the water, I stroked the right side of the canoe as I had the left. Then I walked to the tunnel and returned to the saguaro.

[not recorded]

Journey - Sea and stars

I didn't make plans before my journey. Perhaps that is why nothing much happened.

drumming begins

i'm walking to the saguaro
she's tall
I dive to the roots
and then the tunnel

journeying, journeying, journeying

i'm in the cave
but all i feel is my body on the bed

i walk to the river, expecting the canoe
it's dark

maybe i'm still in the tunnel
darkness
travelling, travelling
travelling

drumming is louder and more intense, so is the darkness
travelling, travelling
there's movement in the darkness

i'm in the canoe
we're moving through the darkness

where should i go?

there are stars and sea

what holds me back from living my life, engaging?

we dive into the water
deep, deep
there are fish around
we need light!
still darkness

we're rising
out of the lonely water

travelling on the water through the dark
there are stars
purplish glow of a distant galaxy
I hear the water

traveling through the sky, it is dark
the canoe and i move forward
the dark
through the dark

take me towards the light

that's what i'm doing

why is the journey so long?

travelling, travelling

someone help me!

something green
tree roots?
it's gone

take me back

the music stops

the darkness

my body on the bed inhales deeply
I'm here, in my room

[Recording 2]

Update

I've been away from my blog for a year. I had surgeries in March, April, and November 2018. My long recovery continues.

The tayelet in May 2018 with Yakira and John

July 4th at WIZO with Arlan and the Anglim

Botanical Gardens in October with Arlan and Alessandra

November with Tan, Mocha, and Alessandra

Sigd 5780/2018:

Pesach 5781/2019 - visited Jessica and her family in Oregon for Pesach, was hospitalized briefly. Got to talk to Rabbi Berg several times. (Also visited the town of St. Paul.)

Early July 2019 - The Shamanic Global Summit; Daniel Foor was sensitive and intelligent. Laura Perin has had some interesting life experiences. Christine Stevens lead a journey and I asked to meet with the bird that sang for me on the Sigd hike.

Recently, while working on a representation of The High Priestess, I realized there is a canoe in the water behind the tarot figure. I recalled my journeys and pulled a card to ask why an empty canoe often appears.

The card was The Magician. It seemed an empowering card. My empty canoe is a magical tool that does not need a paddle. In the Robin Wood deck, the background is yellow, like the canoe in my representation of the HP, and it has a texture like a woven reed boat.

   

I've found a new drumming track for future journeys. I've been drawing and thinking and today, I re-read the posts about earlier journeys, discovering many things I hadn't recalled.