Monday, August 26, 2019

The Page of Pentacles

Several weeks ago, I created a diagram linking the sixteen court cards to the sixteen personalities of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It's time to now compare what I know about the court cards to the Myers-Briggs types that I've assigned to them.

I'll begin, in this post, with my favorite court card, the Page of Pentacles.

Traditionally, the Pages are considered messengers, bringing news associated with their suit. So, for example, the Page of Cups might indicate a love letter, while the Page of Pentacles might suggest correspondence from your stock broker.

I view the pages as being like children or adolescents. Their lack of life experience may be expressed with optimism and openness or as immaturity and foolishness. The world is new to them and they are eager to explore it. The Pages are students or apprentices, who do not yet understand other people or themselves. They are learning how the world works because they are excited about the possibilities before them. (An older person who receives this card, may have begun trying to understand himself or herself.)

In the Robin Wood deck, the young page is standing under a tree in a verdant, hilly countryside; some areas have been cultivated, but most are wild. The Page's black hair is plaited into three, long braids. She wears a brown and green tunic, trimmed in many colors, and a wide belt. From the belt hangs a small, ornate book. She is dappled with shade and sunshine. She gently holds a glowing pentacle before herself and gazes at it with a smile.

The Page of Pentacles is gentle and kind hearted. She sees the wonder of the material world and treats it as a gift from the divine. She is in love with life. She may represent someone who counts her blessings and makes her blessings count. As a student, the Page of Pentacles is capable of concentrating for long periods of time. As a student of life, she is a quiet extrovert, who tries to truly get to know other people. The Page of Pentacles watches hoping to learn how the world works, she pays attention (in Hebrew, היא שמה לב, "she places her heart" on what she studies) and she reflects on her experiences. She is thoughtful-- meaning both that she is a thinker and that she is considerate of other people. If she is allowed to trust her instincts and insights, she will grown into a wise, spiritual person who creates a good life for herself and one that is of service or benefit to those around her.

There is a danger that the Page of Pentacles may forget the spiritual core of life, the pentacle in the coin, and become focused on physical objects and pleasures without awareness of the miracle of creation and its deeper meaning. If this happens, she may also become distant from other people, unwilling to connect and interact in meaningful ways.

This card occasionally appears for people who have low self-esteem and have not learned to value themselves. These are people who, from an early age, were bullied and squashed by caregivers and prevented from embracing life. People may take advantage of their diligence and reliability. To increase their self esteem and to learn to look out for themselves, these people should try to view the world around them as if seeing it for the first time, to connect to it through appreciation, and then begin to care for themselves with the same gentleness and awareness with which they've begun to approach the outer world.

The creator of the Robin Wood Tarot used colors and symbols in this card that she thought reflected the earth, the feminine divine, and the archetypes of Maiden-Mother-Crone. She writes that the Page of Pentacles "has learned to delay her gratification; to work to get the things she wants or knows she needs."

The Page of Pentacles is earthy. Because both pages and pentacles are associated with earth in occult thought, a name for this card is "Secret Place of Growth." I've never been certain what that phrase means, but it seems a suitable title for the Gaian Tarot's version of the Page of Pentacles.

The Gaian's Child of Earth, is a little spooky. The card shows a child not yet grown into normal human proportions, standing in the mist near a cultivated orchard and a wild forest, while examining with strange intensity an apple in his hands. Next to him is an unusually large rabbit (from Wonderland, perhaps) who gazes at us with a very human expression of openness and curiosity.

The deck's creator, Joanna Powell Colbert, shares this affirmation for the card:

I find my center when I connect to 
my body and the natural world. 

Despite the magical scene, Joanna describes the card's significance in pragmatic terms. "The Child of Earth is fascinated by the natural world... Perhaps he's decided to grow his own food. He may be concerned with health issues and is starting a new way of eating or a new exercise program. Or he may be learning how to take care of his... resources responsibly."

In my chart of MBTI-Court correspondences, the Page of Pentacles is aligned with ESTP. Wikipedia describes this type as "outgoing, realistic, action oriented, curious, versatile, spontaneous" and asserts that they are "pragmatic problem solvers and skillful negotiators."

That's a description of an adult, but I think the Page of Pentacles has the seeds of those traits and could develop them. So, with some surprise, I will call the first of these sixteen correspondences successful!

Monday, August 19, 2019

Some Suggestions for Teachers in Ulpan Alef

Suggestion 1 - Use dialogues.

Remember the dialogues in high school French? Dialogues in Hebrew would be a useful exercise. I left Ulpan Alef not knowing how to say, “My name is Hannah.”

Pat: Bonjour.
Sylvie: Comment ça va?
Pat: Ça va très bien, merci. Et vous?
Sylvie: Ça va, merci. Comment vous appelez-vous?
Pat: Je m'appelle Pat:, et vous ? Comment vous appelez-vous?
Sylvie: Je m'appelle Sylvie.
Pat: Enchanté(e), Sylvie.
Sylvie: Enchanté(e), Pat.
Pat: Et vous venez d'où, Sylvie?
Sylvie: Je viens de France. Je suis français(e).
Pat: Ah, vous êtes français(e). Je suis américain(e).
Sylvie: Ah, vous êtes américain(e). Vous venez d'où exactement?
Pat: Je viens de Boston. Je suis étudiant(e).
Sylvie: Ah, vous êtes étudiant(e). Moi, je suis professeur, professeur d'anglais.
Pat: Ah, vous êtes professeur d'anglais? Vous parlez anglai?
Sylvie: Oui. Et vous parlez français?
Pat: Oui. Un petit peu.
Sylvie: OK. Je vais chez moi maintenant.
Pat: OK. Moi aussi. Au revoir. Bonne journée.
Sylvie: Au revoir. Bonne journée.

It took me almost two years to be able to have a similar conversation in Hebrew. I did not learn it in Ulpan Alef.

Suggestion 2Assume students will need to communicate with Israelis.

Ulpan Alef got one thing right: repetition is important. But drilling verb conjugations is not helpful. Verbs belong in sentences, not on verb tables!

We drilled nearly 250 verbs over five months in Ulpan Alef, but we never spoke them in sentences. By Thursday, quite a few of us had to struggle to remember the verbs we had learned on Sunday and Monday, let alone the previous week.

If you’re talking to two women about something they may do in the future, you don’t have fifteen or twenty seconds to go through most of a verb's possible conjugations to find the right word. Students need to learn commonly used verbs and how they behave in sentences.

It was also infuriating that none of our five teachers would the answer the question, “How can you tell what binyan an infinitive belongs to?” (There is an answer. It's not "Listen to the musika.")

Suggestion 3Teach students commonly used phrases and have students speak them frequently.

There are a limited number of things store clerks and pharmacists might want to say to a customer. Hebrew students need to learn common phrases and common responses to those phrases. And we need to learn how to converse with Israelis so we’ll have an opportunity to learn more even more Hebrew.

I did learn a handful of phrases in Ulpan Alef. But frankly, I have never had an occasion to say, “Line five passed five minutes ago.” (However, I have learned what "אל תדאג" really means... we're ignoring you.)

Start with useful phrases and build more vocabulary on that foundation.

Suggestion 4  – A textbook

Could it hurt to have one?

Suggestion 5  – Numbers

I asked one of our ulpan teachers to go over the numbers with us. She said the school didn't do that because numbers are too difficult. Difficult? That's a good reason to teach them!

Suggestion 6Give students basic vocabulary and grammar so they have a foundation to learn more after ulpan ends.

I don’t know what those tools might be, but here’s my list of what does not help:

לַעֲזוֹב ,לְהוֹסִיף ,לְהִתְקַדֵּם ,לְהַסְכִּים ,לְהַרְשׁוֹת ,לַעֲנוֹת ,לְהִתְנַצֵּל ,לְהוֹפִיעַ ,לְהַעֲרִיךְ ,לְסַדֵּר ,לְהַגִּיעַ ,לַעֲלוֹת ,לִשְׁאוֹל ,לְצָרֵף ,לְהִתְפַּנּוֹת ,לִהְיוֹת ,לוּכַל ,לְהִתְקַבֵּל ,לְהַכִּיר ,לִפְחוֹד ,לְהִישָּׁאֵל ,לְהִיווָּלֵד ,בֻּטַּל ,לְהִתְבַּטֵּל ,לְהִיבָּדֵק ,לְהִיסָּגֵר ,לְהִתְבַּשֵּׁל ,לְהִסְתַּייֵּם ,לְהַרְגִּישׁ ,לְהִיגָּמֵר ,לְהִיסָּלֵחַ ,לְהִימָּצֵא ,לִשְׂמוֹחַ ,לְהִישָּׁמֵעַ ,לְהִשְׁתַּפֵּר ,שֻׁפַּר ,הֻזְמַן ,לְאַחֵר ,לְהִיפָּתֵחַ ,סֻדַּר ,שֻׁלַּם ,לְהִשְׁתַּלֵּם ,לְהֵירָשֵׁם ,לְהִתְבַּקֵּשׁ ,לְהִיפָּתֵר ,לְהִצְטַעֵר ,לְהִתְפַּלֵּא ,הוּבַן ,לִטְעוֹת ,לְהַאֲמִין ,לִשְׁבּוֹר ,לְהָבִיא ,לִבְנוֹת ,לִקְנוֹת ,לְבַטֵּל ,לִתְפּוֹשׂ ,לַחְגֹּג ,לְהִשְׁתַּנּוֹת ,לְשַׁנּוֹת ,לִבְדּוֹק ,לִבְחוֹר ,לְבָרֵר ,לִסְגּוֹר ,לָבוֹא ,לְהַשְׁלִים ,לְחַבֵּר ,לְהַמְשִׁיךְ ,לְבַשֵּׁל ,לִסְפּוֹר ,לְהַחְלִיט ,לִדְרוֹשׁ ,לָרֶדֶת ,לָמוּת ,לְהֵיעָלֵם ,לָדוּן ,לְהַפְרִיעַ ,לְהִשְׁתַּדֵּל ,לַעֲשׂוֹת ,לַחֲלוֹם ,לִשְׁתּוֹת ,לָגוּר ,לְהַרְווִיחַ ,לְהִשְׂתַּכֵּר ,לֶאֱכוֹל ,לֵיהָנוֹת ,לְהִיכָּנֵס ,לִבְרוֹחַ ,לְהָקִים ,לְהַחֲלִיף ,לְקַייֵּם ,לָצֵאת ,לְהַסְבִּיר ,לְהַרְגִּישׁ ,לִלְחוֹם ,לְמַלֵּא ,לִמְצוֹא ,לִגְמוֹר ,לְסַייֵּם ,לְתַקֵּן ,לָטוּס ,לִשְׁכּוֹחַ ,לִסְלוֹחַ ,לְהִתְחַתֵּן ,לָקוּם ,לְהִתְרַגֵּל ,לָתֵת ,לָלֶכֶת ,לִקְרוֹת ,לִשְׁמוֹעַ ,לַעֲזוֹר ,לְהַחְזִיק ,לְקַוּוֹת ,לִכְאוֹב ,לִפְגּוֹעַ ,לְשַׁפֵּר ,לְהַשְׁפִּיעַ ,לְהוֹדִיעַ ,לְהִתְכַּווֵּן ,לְהַזְמִין ,לְהִצְטָרֵף ,לְדַלֵּג ,לַהֲרוֹג ,לָדַעַת ,לִצְחוֹק ,לְהַשְׁאִיר ,לְשַׁקֵּר ,לֶאֱהוֹב ,לְהַקְשִׁיב ,לִחְיוֹת ,לְהִסְתַּכֵּל ,לְהַסְפִּיק ,לְהִסְתַּדֵּר ,לָמוֹד ,לְהִיפָּגֵשׁ ,לְפַסְפֵס ,לְהִתְגַּעֲגֵעַ ,לְהִצְטָרֵךְ ,לִפְתּוֹחַ ,לְהִשְׁתַּתֵּף ,לִפְסוֹחַ ,לַעֲבוֹר ,לְשַׁלֵּם ,לְשַׂחֵק ,לְנַגֵּן ,לִדְחוֹת ,לְהַעֲדִיף ,לְהָכִין ,לִלְחוֹץ ,לְהַבְטִיחַ ,לְפַרְסֵם ,לְהַכְנִיס ,לָשִׂים ,לִקְרוֹא ,לְהִיזָּכֵר ,לְקַבֵּל ,לְהַמְלִיץ ,לִרְשׁוֹם ,לְהֵירָשֵׁם ,לִזְכּוֹר ,לְהַזְכִּיר ,לִשְׂכּוֹר ,לְבַקֵּשׁ ,לָנוּחַ ,לַחֲזוֹר ,לְהַחֲזִיר ,לַחֲזוֹר ,לְצַלְצֵל ,לְקַלְקֵל ,לָרוּץ ,לַחֲסוֹךְ ,לִקְבּוֹעַ ,לִרְאוֹת ,לְהִתְרָאוֹת ,לִמְכּוֹר ,לִשְׁלוֹחַ ,לִצְעוֹק ,לְהַרְאוֹת ,לַחְתּוֹם ,לָשִׁיר ,לָשֶׁבֶת ,לִישׁוֹן ,לְעַשֵּׁן ,לִפְתּוֹר ,לְדַבֵּר ,לְהוֹצִיא ,לְפַנֵּק ,לַעֲמוֹד ,לְהַתְחִיל ,לְהַפְסִיק ,לַעֲצוֹר ,לִלְמוֹד ,לְהַצְלִיחַ ,לִסְבּוֹל ,לְהַצִּיעַ ,לְהַתְאִים ,לָקַחַת ,לְטַפֵּל ,לְהוֹרִיד ,לְהִתְקַייֵּם ,לְלַמֵּד ,לְהִתְקַשֵּׁר ,לְסַפֵּר ,לְהַגִּיד ,לוֹמַר ,לְהוֹדוֹת ,לַחְשׁוֹב ,לְהַעֲבִיר ,לְתַרְגֵּם ,לִנְסוֹעַ ,לְטַייֵּל ,לִסְמוֹךְ ,לְנַסּוֹת ,לִפְנוֹת ,לְהַדְלִיק ,לְהָבִין ,לְעַדְכֵּן ,לְהִשְׁתַּמֵּשׁ ,לְבַקֵּר ,לְחַכּוֹת ,לְהִתְעוֹרֵר ,לִרְצוֹת ,לְבַזְבֵּז לִשְׁקוֹל ,לִזְכּוֹת ,לְאַחֵל ,לַעֲבוֹד ,לִדְאוֹג ,לִכְתּוֹב

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Myers-Briggs Type Indicators and the Court Cards

Tarot court cards, sometimes known as "people cards," can represent situations, current attitudes, attitudes one should develop, or actions to take. They can also point to actual people, revealing a particular aspect of a person's character. 

In this series, I am focusing the court cards as representations of actual people. I want to emphasize that I don't believe in "typecasting." You cannot truly know someone without giving time and attention to get to know them. The MBTI can help us understand some ways we approach life and interact with others and tarot cards can point to certain characteristics or talents. However, we must be truly be present to one another. As my revered spiritual teacher says, "When we look into each other's eyes, let us remember that we are looking into the eyes of God."

To better understand the personalities of the court cards, I turned to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Like the tarot court cards, the MBTI categories do not describe a person entirely, but outline "differing psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions."

I have a fondness for tidy, organized systems that purport to explain things comprehensively. This inclination of many tarot students explains why Kabbalah, astrology, runes, and other systems have been grafted onto tarot, with varying degrees of practical success.

Similarly, I turned to the MBTI, a system in which I'm not fully conversant with and noticed a superficial similarity to the tarot court: there are 16 Myers-Briggs personality types and 16 court cards.

However, the vast difference between the two systems quickly became apparent. Despite this, I persevered and came up with a set of correspondences for testing.

The first difficulty was that tarot court cards have two characteristics (rank and suit), while the Myers-Briggs personality types have four pairs of characteristics. The MBTI pairs of characteristics are:

Attitudes: Extraversion (E) / Introversion (I)
Information-gathering functions: Sensing (S) / iNtuiting (N)
Decision-making functions: Thinking (T) / Feeling (F)
Lifestyles: Judging (J) / Perceiving (P)

(Judging relies mostly on the info gathering function, S or N, and Perceiving relies mostly on the decision making function T or F.)

The permutations of those 4 sets of characteristics results in sixteen psychological types, each designated by four letters.

One organized method of arranging all sixteen types is shown in the image below. The SJs are in the top left quadrant. Moving clockwise around the circle, the NJs are next, then the SPs and the NPs.


(Note: David Kiersey divided the sixteen pairs  differently than Isabel Briggs Myers had. In Kiersey's system, two sets are SJs and SPs, based on the second and fourth letters, and the other two sets are NFs and NTs, based on the second and third letters).

In attempting to assign court cards to the sixteen types, I decided to rely on the information-gathering function and the decision-making function to narrow down the possible suits associated with each type.

Here's how I assigned the tarot suits to the MBTI functions:

Sensing = Pentacles
iNtuiting = Wands
Thinking = Swords
Feeling = Cups

Thus, a type that includes both Sensing and Feeling could be represented by a Pentacle or by a Cup. While a type that includes both Sensing and Thinking could be represented by a Pentacle or a Sword. 

Attitudes (E/I) and Lifestyles (J/P) can correspond to any suit or rank, as shown in the chart below. Dividing the sixteen types into four categories, I assigned one card of each rank to that categoryand ensured that each group includes three of the four suits.


Although I did not understand why Kiersey divided the sixteen types as he did, I decided to keep his system in mind, and made sure that each of his four categories also contain one card of each rank. (As a result, his NF and NT categories contain only two suits each.)

Sensing-Judging Cards: 

ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ


E S F J (Caregiver) King of Cups 
I S F J (Nurturer) Queen of Pentacles 
E S T J (Guardian) Knight of Pentacles  
I S T J (Duty-fulfiller) Page of Swords 

Kiersey labelled the SJs melancholic or depressive. 

iNtuitive-Judging Cards:

ENFJ, INFJ, ENTJ, INTJ

E N F J (Giver) Page of Cups  
I N F J (Protector) King of Wands
E N T J (Executive) Knight of Wands  
I N T J (Scientist) Queen of Swords

In occult literature, kings are associated with the element of fire and thus to intuition. In my system of correspondences, only the King of Wands is aligned with an iNtuitive function.

The first two types in this group belong to Keirsey's NT category, which he labelled insensitive. The second two belong to his NF category, which he labelled over-sensitive. Taking his system into consideration affected which cards I assigned to the NJ and the NP cards.

Sensing-Perceiving Cards:

ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP

E S F P (Performer) Queen of Cups 
I S F P (Artist) King of Pentacles  
E S T P (Doer) Page of Pentacles  
I S T P (Mechanic) Knight of Swords

Occult literature associates Pages with the element of earth (sensing), Knights with the element of air (thinking), and Queens with the element of water (feeling). In my system, only the Page of Pentacles, the Knight of Swords, and the Queen of Cups are aligned with their proper function.

Kiersey labelled the SPs hypomanic, excitable.
 
iNtuitive Perceiver Cards:

ENFP, INFP, ENTP, INTP
E N F P (Inspirer) Knight of Cups
I N F P (Idealist) Queen of Wands 
E N T P (Visionary) Page of Wands  
I N T P (Thinker) King of Swords  

The first two types belong to Keirey's NF category, which he labelled over-sensitive. The second two belong to his NT category, insensitive.

*       *       *       *


This method of analysis, connecting tarot with another system, may not be the most fruitful use of tarot, which is, most importantly, a visual tool for harnessing intuition and exploring experiences. However, this was a fun puzzle. I haven't achieved a reliable, scientific chart or even a set of poetic correspondences to stimulate my imagination, but it was an enjoyable mental exercise.

There were several cards that I hoped would align with particular personality types: Page of Pentacles with the ISFJ type, King of Wands with the Counsellor (INFJ), and a few others. Less than half the time, I got what I wanted.

 Fully exploring these assignments will require more time studying the Myers-Briggs categories with the court cards in mind. I wonder if studying the MBTI lead to new insights into the cards.

EDIT: You can read about my conclusions about using these two systems in tandem at the end of my Page of Wands post.

Friday, August 9, 2019

Journey - Bath and Garments

I intend to go to the Upper World for continued healing. I’m looking at the branches blowing in the breeze and calling Hummingbird.

Hummingbird grabs me and we fly up into the clouds. Going through the clouds. There’s the city with the stairs and the white buildings. Hummingbird drops me at the top of the first flight of stairs. I step forward.

Asherah, my teacher.

We greet each other.

I’ve come back. You said I should return so you could continue to remove fear from my heart. At least, I think that’s what you intended.

I can’t hear her and yet I think I know her answer.

Yes?

There’s so much other work to be done that I can’t name. Will you do those things, too?

I feel her answer.

Thank you.

This is the lowest room we’ve been in. The others were higher up the city stairs. But the room is the same. There’s someone here. Wearing yellow. A yellow hat? I think it’s a woman. She’s very short. She takes my left hand. I’m getting on the table. She’s standing next to me. Asherah is on my right.

Turquoise and yellow are flowing through me. Turquoise, yellow. Yellow, yellow, turquoise. It’s darker now, blue, dark blue. Flowing through me. It’s a river. I am water. I’m sunlight on water. I’m water. Washing everything away. Washing me away. Washing me away.

Asherah!

Blue and yellow. Being washed away. Being washed away. Pink now. Pink and purple.

My body is filled up with pink. My arms, not quite to my fingers… yes, to my fingers. My head. My ribcage is filling with pink and purple. I’m really, really hot. My legs are filling up with purple, blue, dark color. It’s the pink light. I’m really hot. The pink is turning to yellow again. Yellow is filling my whole body. Yellow, yellow. My lungs, my arms. Now they’re green.

They are pouring water over my body. Pouring water over me, water all over my body. I turn over. They’re pouring water all over my body. They’re scrubbing me with salt. [incoherent]…back of my neck, shoulders, arms.

I’ve turned over. They are pouring salt over my midline, scrubbing with salt, my arms, hands, legs, knees, my ankles, and feet.

Asherah is doing something, her hands dancing over me. Yellow Lady is pouring water over me.

I stand up and the water is still pouring over me and off my hands. Water is pouring all over me. The Yellow Lady wraps me in a towel. She wraps my head and my face; my whole body is wrapped up in white towels.

She takes the towel off and I’m suddenly cold. My skin is very cool. They’re putting something on me. I think it’s white. It’s over my shoulders, it’s flowing. There's something on my feet. Asherah places a necklace on me—it’s gold! (That surprises me; if I were imagining this, I would have chosen silver.) She places her hand over the necklace and my heart; someday, she’ll put a red stone in the necklace. The Yellow Lady covers my hair; I don’t like it, but I don’t say anything. Then she slides it down and wraps it around my shoulders so my hair is uncovered again. Asherah puts marks on my forehead; I don’t know what they are. There are four of them, four white marks. She presses her hands together. I bow and turn to the lady in yellow and she’s bowing.

Ahserah takes my right hand and leads me out. We look out and there’s water beyond the city, water where there was no water before. There’s an ocean. Asherah is holding my hand. She takes me to the ocean. Waves crash. The city is different somehow. Even as we go downhill, we’re still at sea level.

I squeeze her hand.

Tell me what I need to know.

She touches my throat.

It’s time for me to go.

Thank you.

I stand there because I don’t want to leave. I know it’s time to go. Hummingbird is coming. It’s time to go back. I don’t want to go.

We’re going back. We’re going through the clouds. Clouds. On the balcony.

Thank you, Hummingbird.

I see the tree branches blowing in the wind. I can still look up and see the city.

I’m back.

[Recording 8]

The day after this journey, the following card from Rachel Pollack's Shining Tribe Tarot appeared on my phone app as my card of the day. I'd never see this image before.

Six of Rivers

Early Ideas for A Tarot Deck

Over the years, several people have suggested that I create my own tarot deck, but it has always seemed like too large a task for me.

Recently, I've given some thought to the idea of creating a Jewish tarot. I've designed a few, using photographs found on the internet (i.e., not mine). Here are two of the Majors. The Emperor, Titus Flavius, and The Hierophant, Masculine Face of Shekhinah.



I'm struggling with the pairing of archetypes according to gender.

One thing that I've never understood is "the masculine" and "the feminine" in tarot. I'd swear that The Emperor and The High Priestess are energetically connected, and The Empress and The Hierophant, too; the Magician seems to pair up energetically with various figures (usually male) in the Major Arcana.

And to me it seems the kings and queens pair off more favorably outside their suit, e.g. the King of Cups and the Queen of Pentacles. 

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Shamanic Journey - Tendrils of Light and New Shoes

Going to the Upper World to see my teacher.

Standing on the balcony, watching branches blowing in the breeze. Hummingbird appears.

Hummingbird, I want to go to the Upper World.

We're off! We're flying over Tucson, then up into the clouds. I already see the city. The "port" is a big expanse of white stone. Hummingbird drops me off and I climb the stairs, looking for my teacher, Asherah. I see her.

You'll told me to come again and again to have fear removed. Is that what you want to do today?
 
We walk toward a doorway and then through it. It is darker than other rooms. There is an altar far to the left and a table in the center. Someone else in the room. Asherah escorts me to the table.

She strokes my hair. Remove the fear and panic from me. 

She puts her hands over my belly. More things come out, but not as much as the first time.

The other person comes and touches my feet.

Asherah, why can't I hear you speak?

The man is massaging my toes. Pressing his thumbs against the soles of my feet.

Now she is standing above my head... There are  tendrils inside my body... tendrils coming down from my head and tendrils coming up from my feet... They meet at my heart

She puts her hands on my shoulders; light goes down my arms and out my hands.

My stomach feels itchy. I don't know which stomach [the one in OR or the one in NOR].

I put my hands up to my ears. Light comes from my hands and travels into my head, down the tendrils that are filling my ribcage and connecting to other tendrils at my heart.

My belly's very itchy.

The light goes down the tendrils, to my hips and thighs. The light is pushing through my right knee, something pops out of my knee. The light is going down my left knee, both my ankles, to my feet, the soles of my feet, my toes.

I travel back up the light, back to my heart, my throat, my head.

The helper is still at my feet. I don't know what he's doing. It looks as if he's tying shoe laces, but I am not wearing shoes. He's putting glue on the bottom of my feet.

They have me stand up.

I hear the call-back. I don't know if they are finished, but I have to go back now. I bow to the man and turn to Asherah. I will continue coming for the healing of my fear. I'd like to hear what you have to say to me, what you can teach me, what I need to know. Next time?

She nods.

I walk out of the room, look around at the white city, go down the flight of stairs. Hummingbird comes and takes me back down through the clouds. They are not so wet this time. I land on the balcony. Thank you, Hummingbird. 

He flies away.

I am back.

[Recording 7]

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Journey - Dismemberment

Going back because I'm supposed to get the same treatment for many days. Think I'll also mention my concerns about health, resources, and relationships.

I'm standing by the Saguaro, but I want to go to the Upper World. I wonder if the hummingbird will come and get me here. Ah yes!  

Hi, let's go to the Upper World.

We're traveling, traveling. Hummingbird is carrying me by the hair. We're moving up, up. I can still see the Saguaro, but we're moving up, up. Through the clouds. There are not many clouds. Up. A few more clouds.

We're traveling over the white city. I see stairs and more flights of stairs.

Hummingbird sets me down before my teacher, Asherah.  

Hello. I said I'd come back. You said I should come back for more healing of my fear and panic and stress so I can think clearly. I have other questions, but just one question per session? Okay, yes one question. I'm following you.

We go to a different place, no stairs to climb. We get there quickly. The room feels different; I'm not really sure how it's different. I get on a table.

She's touching the back of my neck, removing the feeling of panic. She's doing something to my ears. Her hands are over my ears. Now, one hand is over my forehead. Both hands are over my ears.

Her hands are on my rib cage. I don't know what she's doing.  

Oh! She breaks my rib cage open. I'm really not here for a dismemberment. Oh, you're breaking my hip bones, too. No! Don't break my legs apart! No. Is this really how you're going to remove my fears? 

Oh, not my feet? My arms are still okay, so are my neck and head. No, I'm not trying to draw your attention to them! What are you doing? You're digging through my flesh. 

You're just going to leave me like this? 

What are you doing? I can't tell what you're taking out. 

What are you doing with my right knee? What is that you are you putting on my knee? That's good; my knee needs help. 

Now you're doing something to my right ankle, now my left ankle, now my left knee. Is my leg any stronger? 

(Why am I thinking about food while someone is ripping my body apart?) 

You're no longer ripping my body apart, you're putting stuff in. Oh, you're scooping stuff out of my belly. You're looking around in my belly. Yeah, you can rearrange things; that'd be good.

I'm very aware of my body uncomfortable on the floor, and also of my body ripped open on the table.  
You're removing fear? Oh, that was when you were working on my ears. Now you're working on my health. 

Well, my hands need some help. 

She's holding my hands. It feels very nice. She's squeezing my hands.

Ok, why are you taking my fingers off?... You're putting them back on, I like that, that's good. What are you squeezing out of my fingers? And my thumbs. You're massaging my arms, that feels good. Oh, don't break my elbows! 

What are you doing to my head? 

Oh, that is the return call... 

You're shaking stuff out of my head. Can you put me back together, because I'm supposed to return soon.

She tells me to come back tomorrow.  

Are you going to put me back together? 

You're still working on my head...sort of... I think you've reattached it. 

That's my spine. How are you reaching under me to get to my spine? 

You're closing up my belly. My ribcage is closed. And my legs. Thank you for fixing my toes. 

You're pouring honey all over me. 

And I can go now. 

Thank you, Asherah.

I ask her a question about relationships. She doesn't answer.

I'm outside the door. Hummingbird?  We fly through clouds. They feel very real. And we travel through darkness. Then we are at the Saguaro. Thank you, Hummingbird. 

I'm back.

Drumming

[Recording 6]

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Journey - pulling darkness out and pouring light in

I was sitting outside and thought of a fourth question to ask on my journey, when I looked up and saw a stray dog that looked very much like a wolf. I took that as a sign that this is the request I need to make when I visit my teacher today.

"Remove the fear that keeps me from being able to think clearly; remove the stress and the panic."

My other questions and requests are: Remove all ailments from my physical body so I have optimal health. Constantly give me insight into and understanding of my relationships. Give me the financial means to obtain the home I want here. 

Drumming starts.

I state my intention aloud: I'm going to visit my teacher and ask her to remove the fear, the panic, and the stress that comes when I'm trying to think clearly

I'm looking at the branches blowing
Hummingbird, hummingbird
Humming grabs my hair and pulls me up into the air
through the clouds
flying through the clouds
still aware of my body on the floor
through the clouds
breaking through
still moving up, still going up
aware of my body, also aware of hummingbird carrying me through the clouds
a staircase
flying higher, over more flights of stairs
I'm looking for my teacher
hummingbird sets me down
I'm climbing more stairs
step by step
my teacher there
I bow
Shara, Asherah, I've come to make a request
Shara, Shara remove the panic and stress that keep me from thinking clearly
Help me remain calm and engaged
Take the fear from me, take the voice in my ear away
Asharah
I'm standing here, making my request
Shara, Shara
We're climbing the stairs
I can see her sandals
I don't know what color her gown is, but it's very long
I can't tell if it's red or white
we're climbing the stairs
we're going into a different building
there's a massage table
Have you brought me here to take away my fear?
I get on the table
Shara walks around the table
Counterclockwise, from my right side to my feet to my left side
She's standing at my head
She's standing at my right side, her hands are above my belly
Remove my fear, remove my panic, remove the stress
Things are rising out of my body toward her hands
and then they disappear as they touch the aura of light around her hands
Lots and lots are coming out
She flings them away from me
Watching things rise out of my belly
I'm also very aware of my body on the floor
My belly
She moves her hands toward my knees
light is pouring into my knees
my shins
my ankles
my feet
Take aware the fear and the stress and the panic
she's on my left side now
focusing on my my feet, my knees, my hips
she's back to my belly
light pouring into by
things are flying out of my belly
her hand is touching my sternum
my chest
my throat
things are coming out of my throat
lots of things are coming out of my throat
her right hand is on the back of my neck
lots of things are coming out of my throat
now she puts her hand on the back of my neck
energy is coming into my skull and my neck
she puts a finger on my forehead
energy from hand right hand to the finger of her left, through my head
electricity, lightning
lightning all inside my head
she puts her finger on top of my skull
lightning, lightning
green and yellow lighting
lightning, lightning
it's coming out my ears
it's crackling around my skull
she tells me I have to come again and do again this many times
she takes her hands away
there's still lightning, yellow and green lightning
she puts her hands on my neck, my shoulders
energy pours through my arms and out my hands, from my palms and fingertips
she puts her hands on either side of my ribcage
lightning, energy
smoother than electricity, like honey
my pelvis, my hips
down my thighs
she comes around and puts her hands on my hips
again she puts her hands over my belly
things are coming out
coming out
she flings the stuff off her hands
she touches my knees and my ankles
i think that's the callback
she holds my toes
she puts her hands together and blesses me
I sit up and ask, Have you removed the fear?
Yes. But come back, we must do this every day 
I know she means: until she says it's gone, until I know it's gone
Thank you
She gestures toward the door
I get off the table and walk out
I look back, she's smiling
Thank you, I say again
I'll see you tomorrow
she nods
I step outside
it's warm, clear
I don't see a sun
Hummingbird comes
Home
Hummingbird grabs me by the hair and carries me over the stairs I'd climbed with Asherah
we're already in the clouds
they're very wet
we're back on the balcony
Thank you, Hummingbird.
I am back

Drumming track

[Recording 5]