I'm on the balcony, looking at the branches blowing in the breeze and their shadows against the wall. I call to Hummingbird.
We're flying up into the clouds. They feel cool and dry. We're flying further than usual. There's the city. We fly towards it.
There's the great plaza of white stone and the stairways-- and Asherah is waiting for me. At the top of a flight of stairs. Hummingbird drops me off. I bow.
Hello.
She knew I was coming.
I'd like to see the temple.
She gestures and I walk next to her as we climb the stairs. More stairs. The buildings are different than on my first visit long ago. We keep walking up stairs. I look to our left and see an ocean. We climb more stairs. I see a narrow alley to our right. We climb more stairs. We just passed the door to the room where I was bathed and dressed. We climb more stairs and suddenly we're at the top of the city. There's a plaza. (No one else is there, but it doesn't feel abandoned as the area I think of as the port seems.)
There's a building with enormous, brown doors beyond a fountain in the center of the plaza. We walk toward the fountain and I expect to see a tree by it. I look for a tree but I don't see one there or anywhere else in the plaza. I hear the water splashing in a beautiful, simple fountain. There's ivy on one of the walls around the plaza. We approach the doors and they open for us.
It's dark inside. I expect a cathedral with pews, but there is a row of pillars down the center of the space. They go on and on, endlessly.
We stop by the closest pillar, the central row. There's a cup and a basin and we wash our hands. Asherah covers her eyes and seems to recite a prayer. I stand silently next to her, not knowing what to do.
We circle this pillar several times, like a bride circling the groom. I see pillars along the sides of the space, too. She gestures up the space between the central pillars and the row of pillars on our left. We approach the closest pillar on the left, she has me touch it, like I'd touch a mezuzah. Then we walk over to the closest pillar on the right and she has me touch that one, too. Then we go to a central pillar.
I wonder if these pillars represent sfirot. One's missing! I wonder if the plaza was Malchut.
We touch three more pillars, left, right, and center. I'm confused. Are we at Tiferet now? Or Da'at? But Da'at isn't real. And humans can't rise that high.
We must be at Tiferet. The room changes. It's bright now. There are two thrones. There's a mirror behind us. I'm very confused about where I am. I want to leave, but I don't say anything.
Asherah leads me to the two thrones. They are empty. I want Alan and Bonnie to be sitting in them.
There is someone siting in them, but I don't know who. I can't see them.
Asherah, I'm afraid. I asked you to bring me here, but I'm afraid.
I don't want to be near the thrones, so I ask her to show me the rest of the room.
There are large windows. One looks out at an ocean, not in the direction I would have expected the ocean to be. Another window looks out on fire-- I'm afraid again. She takes me to the earth window, where I see fields and trees. I see a great mountain through the air window.
She takes me back to the thrones. I'm not sure who is on them. I'm afraid. I look around the room again. The water window-- the view has changed; it's underwater. It's like looking into an aquarium. I'm afraid of the fire window and try not to look at it. The earth window is beautiful. Through the air window, I see an eagle soaring near the mountain.
Asherah, I don't feel comfortable in this place. I don't belong here.
She kneels in front of the thrones and I join her. She puts her arm around me. She's praying. I begin to repeat Sh'ma. We stay like this for a very long time.
Asherah sits on the throne to my right. Who is the male figure? Why is she on the right hand throne?
Then I am sitting on the throne next to Asherah.
Shalom, shalom, shalom.
We're holding hands, like my father and I did once when my mother was in surgery. I'm on the "male" throne and Asherah is on the "female" throne. [I was wrong: the male pillar is on the right and femal on the left, when facing the Tree of Life.] Behind me, to the right, is the air. Behind us, to the left, is the water. We see fire and earth. I only look into the earth window on the right. There's a mirror where we entered. It's image is not clear. Asherah is growing tall. Bright light. I don't want to see what I'm turning into. I don't want to be a dark figure, but I think I am. I'm afraid of the fire window. I cling to Asherah's hand.
We stand. I'm looking at our reflections in the mirror. She's a great, white light. I'm small and dark.
She asks me to face her. She hold both my hands. The darkness flows out of my head towards her. Her white light flows into my hands and my heart. She's filling me with light. My darkness dissolves inside her.
I can see my heart.
Asherah, I don't understand this.
I feel empty. I feel sad.
The black and white. They are balanced in me. Her white has some silver-gray in it.
She has me lie on the floor. She crosses my hands over my chest, like a mummy. My head is pointing toward the place where we entered. I don't see the windows any more. I'm crying. Her hands are on my hands and she sits with me.
Part of me is crying and part of me is thinking about how long it will take to type up this journey.
I don't understand what is happening.
Come, I will lead you out, she says.
She helps me rise. The thrones are gone. We walk into the darkened temple. We leave more quickly than we arrived. We're in the plaza now. I asked if I can hug her. We hold each other. Asherah holds me. Then we walk back down the stairs. The ocean is there. The light is bright. We walk down stairs. At the top of the lowest flight of stairs, Hummingbird comes and carries me [down] through the clouds. And I'm on the balcony.
Thank you.
I'm back.
[Recording 10]
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