Medical care

Doctors who won't see me because I have insurance and who refuse to take cash. Receptionists who won't let me into the office the morning my appointment because the insurance company wouldn't answer the phone and confirm that I could see that doctor. And finally, a doctor who forgot to come to the exam room where I was waiting.

Luckily, in the last case, a nurse practitioner stepped into the breech. However, he was interested in everything except my illnesses over the previous months. (Is it really important to know whether I am right or left handed?) The emergency care doctor wanted him to find out why I kept getting cellulitis and I wanted to know why I've been too exhausted and uncoordinated to do much of anything.

He prescribed a blood test. Someone screwed it up and I had to give blood a second time. It took forever to get the results. Surprisingly, my blood sugar, blood, pressure, cholesterol, and other values were excellent. (I bought ice cream to celebrate that.) However, I have a severe B-12 deficiency and my kidneys aren't working properly. There's nothing he can do and he doesn't want to see me again until September.

He did recommend that I start taking B-12 pills and double doses of Metamucil every day. I purchased both. Without going into a graphic description of the results, let me advise you against taking Metamucil if you're not constipated. Later, I learned that, if you have kidney problems, your body will turn synthetic B-12 into cyanide, so take the time to track down natural B-12 supplements. (Look for methylcobalamin.)

I'm furious at his lack of care.  And the previous lack of care: I suspect that my kidney problems are a result of the medication I took for 12 years for an illness I didn't actually have.

Hearthside Healing

Just returned from Prescott where I saw my old doctor. Thankfully, she was willing to write a letter stating I'd been misdiagnosed and given the wrong medications for the last twelve years.

 My year in Tucson was supposed to be, among other things, a time of reflection. It has been.

Before I arrived, I'd wondered whether I'd been misdiagnosed. I don't have many of the traits bipolar people have. I never skipped my medication. I mistrust and try to control my feelings. And once, my therapist in Prescott had said, "Your 'high' was so disappointing. It was like a normal person's happy."

Too sick to do much of anything after I arrived in Tucson, I did some online research. A few articles about CPTSD caught my attention. Those symptoms sounded more like mine. I tried to find a therapist in Tucson, but kept winding up at the website of a therapist in Oregon.

We've been Skyping for a few months now. At first we focused primarily on getting me physically healthy since I was having trouble getting a doctor's appointment. Chinese medicine did not seem to help; time has mostly healed whatever was wrong with me, although my energy is still very low. We've been more successful with counseling work. He's a good listener, he's on my side, and he was willing to reevaluate the diagnosis.

My last therapist thought my desire to make aliyah was absurd, that Prescott was no different than Israel. When I told her about a painful experience, she only said, "I'm sorry that happened to you." Jon believes me when I say that I'm more alive in Israel. And his response, when I told him about Pardes, was empathetic, but he also tried to understand. "You've had lots of traumatic experiences. Why do you think that was the most traumatic one?"

We've weened me off unnecessary medications and talked about a lot of things. Hopefully, I will be able to apply what I've learned.