Message in the Storm

(Note: I generally read the cards from right to left, the way the moon appears to increase in size each month)

    

Reach out and trust, even in chaos.
Harness thunder's courage.
Love all beings.

What a sad world we live in live, where having learned not to trust means you’ve finally succeeded. 

  

(Images from The Gaian Tarot)

Journey

I entered through the saguaro boot, down its roots, and into the tunnel

Something pushed the soil and created a different tunnel
There were fingers redirecting me
And I traveled through the fur of a bunny rabbit
The new tunnel opened into a tiled hallway

The floors and walls and ceiling were covered in white, bathroom tiles
Someone hurried me in one direction and then back to a different hallway
We descended stairs
And then we were in a subway station
The platform was also covered in white, bathroom tiles
A train came from the left, stopped, and then moved on
We had to wait for another

I was looking the wrong way
There was a track behind me
A train arrived and the doors opened
I was given three lei of pink flowers

Then I saw a man who was sick or dying
He reached out to me and I started to hand him the pink lei

Someone... my power animal, I think... reminded me that I'd been told not to part with the lei
But the man needed them, so I handed them to him anyway and he vanished

It was time to travel back
Dove flew me back to the tunnel

I think I fell asleep before we made it all the way back. Then I dreamed that a flight I was supposed to take was cancelled and we all had to wait for another flight. A stewardess kept telling me that I could take a different flight to a different place. I continued to wait with the other passengers. Finally, I understood that I was the scheduled pilot on the other flight. She explained that I'd be back in time to take the flight to Mexico and spend Passover with my children. I was a man in the dream. I ran toward the other plane, but the airport was designed poorly and I had to climb a ramp that everyone was using to get to their flights.

Edit: I found a used book... "Giving away a lei that had been presented to you was considered most unfortunate. Additionally, it was considered wrong to ask for a lei that another was wearing." - Hawaiian Religion and Magic by Scott Cunningham
 

Journey

I intended to go to the upperworld and ask for two healings.

Hummingbird took me to the upper world, directly to my teacher's home.

One of the women who had healed me last time was sitting on the floor by the two couches doing some sort of handicraft. I asked her if she'd do more healing on my foot and she did.

My teacher arrived and I asked her to heal my life. She began drumming on an enormous but very thin hand drum. (I kept thinking of it as a tambourine.) She held it before her face and beat a rhythm with her right hand. She continued for a long time, her rhythm reinforcing the recorded drumming.

I decided she was telling me that journeying was how I'll heal. Then I wondered if she was telling me to do more drumming.

She stopped and took me to the fountain where I splashed water on my face and then washed and dried her hands. I thanked her and the other woman. Then hummingbird took me back.

Music

Saguaro

This is the saguaro near my home that I visualize when I journey to the lower world.

Journey

I had decided to learn how to journey, hoping that I could discover the answer myself. Today, I decided to ask my question.

I went to the saguaro, entered the "boot," traveled down the saguaro's roots, and through the tunnel

I did not see the canoe floating down the river this time

When I came out of the grassy opening, I was overwhelmed by the presence of the ocean
I think that, for a second, I heard the waves
Dove did not appear immediately and I just let myself feel the power of the ocean below

When Dove arrived, I put out my left hand and he landed there
I asked if I could stroke his feathers and he let me
We stood there for a very long time as I admired the texture and sheen of his white feathers

Eventually, I told him that I'd come to ask a question
After I did, he began shuffling back and forth across my finger
He was dancing to the drumming
I laughed, but considered what it could mean
Then he began moving his head to the rhythm, too
I laughed again, but asked him to be more literal, more explicit

He flew away and I followed him, hoping we weren't going to spend hours in the clouds again

Two islands appeared in the distance
It took a long time to reach them, but he only turned around and flew back to the familiar coast line
I playfully chased him around that piece of land and then he landed on my hand again
I stroked his feathers and warned him with mock seriousness I'd be back if I couldn't figure out his message
He took me through the grassy opening and alone, I retraced my path back to the saguaro

I napped for a short time immediately after the journey. When I woke up, the first thing I thought of was the song Waltzing Mathilda.

The Canoe

During my journeys to the lower world, I usually see an empty canoe, floating down a river. When I once boarded the canoe, there was no paddle, so I couldn't direct it. The message of this canoe may be similar to the message of the tarot card that is usually called The Chariot.

Joanna Powell Colbert describes the paddle as a symbol of power, like a staff or a wand. The canoe represents focus and faith in yourself. The marine life and birds are allies that will help you. If you cultivate will power and clarity within yourself, you can travel confidently toward your goal. Rachel Pollack writes that one must leave the past, even past successes, behind to learn the "ultimate truth about oneself and the cosmos."

Joanna Powell Colbert offers this question for meditation when The Canoe appears in a reading: What goal do I need to focus on? I pulled Strength, developing my sense of personal power.

Journey

Shorter route
Hummingbird took me directly to my teacher's home

Asharah and I drank tea and sat together
I had intended to ask something else, but I asked her for healing

I explained that I wanted evidence that she is real
She looked at my left foot and ran her fingers over the toe nails
We sat a while longer

Then we went into the back of her house
It was a marble floor and there were pillars
I think she wanted to go beyond the patio, but I resisted

I asked her how should I live and she repeated my question

Then she lifted my hands above my head
Like I'm victorious?

We went back inside and one of her servants began working on my foot
Another massaged me neck and later my right knee
Asherah and I communed over tea while that was going on

She wanted me to travel with her down the flowing water in the fountain
I resisted again-- I don't know why
Eventually, I thanked the servants
They weren't done, so I stayed longer
Then Asherah had me bathe in the fountain

She walked me to the door and Hummingbird took be back the usual route

I realized midway through the journey that I wasn't narrating it aloudI think that's why it was less vivid that other journeys

Journey

I tried journeying outdoors and used a rattle. Even though no one was around, throughout my journey, part of me continued to be aware of my body and the place I was sitting.

After traveling the usual route and climbing through the grassy opening, Dove flew at me and landed on my left shoulder. I asked him if he'd take me to a safe place in the middle world. He said nothing and I waited.

Finally, he flew us to my teacher's house in the upper world and the three of us flew down to a blue ocean on earth toward several small islands. We came to a small lagoon and waterfall. I noticed there were no palm trees or flowers, but lots of ferns and vines. There was a young woman kneeling by the water. She was wearing some kind of skirt and a lei. She didn't seem to see us. My teacher said she was a ghost. (I don't know why I didn't get into the water.)

I asked my teacher something (I don't remember what) and I couldn't quite hear her answer; I thought she might be telling me that I shouldn't visit the middle world alone and that, right now, I don't need to visit the middle world at all.

My teacher returned to the upper world and Dove took me back to the grassy opening. I traveled the usual route very quickly.

Journey

Intended to visit the lower world and ask my power animal what I should be doing with my life.

Standing in front of the saguaro I focus on my intention for a long time
Then I travel through the saguaro and tunnel to the cave

I crouch and put my hand in the river and the canoe passes me again

I walk through the water, climb to the roof, and jump across to the grassy opening
As soon as I am standing above the opening, Dove lands on my shoulder
I greet him and then ask my question
He flies us up and into the clouds
We level out and fly through the clouds for a long time
The clouds are cold and damp
I ask him where we are going
I remember the lesson he taught me

Do you want me to descend?

He doesn't say anything

We stay in the clouds
I ask if he's trying to tell me that he can't see the answer
I ask if my vision is obscured

He doesn't respond to any of my questions

We travel for a long time
Eventually, we rise above the clouds
It's light, but I can't see the sun
There's nothing to see
I ask where we're going

We descend through the clouds and I see odds and ends:
a piece of furniture, someone's pet, two women talking and drinking, children's things...
Below the clouds is gray ocean

We continue flying high above the water, but it feels as if we aren't moving forward at all
This has gone on too long, so I "take charge"
I hold him in my hands so that I can do the flying
I take us back toward the coast, trying to cover the distance more quickly than he had
We are soon back by the grassy opening
I say that I understand that he wants me to take charge, but of what?

What am I supposed to be doing?

There are no people around, there's nothing to build

What am I supposed to be doing?

I release him and he sits on my shoulder again, saying nothing

I am going to ask you a slightly different question: should I make aliyah?

He flies toward the water and I follow him

Should I make aliyah?

He pecks at the sand, apparently finding small seeds there

We're back at the grassy opening
I thank him for his time, but tell him I'll be back with the same question

Alone, I retrace my route

I am back

Journey

I want to see my teacher again and try to just be in her presence as I would with a "real" person in ordinary reality. I will ask her if she is Asherah. During the journey, I will be lying in bed, not using headphones. I may not describe my journey aloud or write about it until the morning.

Hummingbird takes me directly to my teacher's home
For an instant, I can hear music, but then I'm deaf again
She comes to the entry and leads me to the couches
I bow before sitting down
Tea is already waiting
I wait for her to drink first
I just sit with her
It is a while before I ask, Is your name Asherah?

Yes

Are you the goddess, Asherah?

Yes

What do you want to teach me?

War

I'm not sure I heard that and ask again
She touches my cheek

Affection?

Yes

We drink more tea
Then she wants me to dance
A servant joins us
Even in spirit form, I'm not light on my feet
I sit down and she dances with her servant a little longer before she sits again

I say I'll visit tomorrow and ask about making aliyah

She suggests I visit the lower world

I say, I can ask Dove to show me other places there

Yes

I'm back. I don't think I traveled back through the upper world and to Earth with hummingbird, but I'm not sure because I was sleepy. (I am writing this immediately after my journey, but I was unable to speak during my journey. Also, Nutmeg was grooming herself while pressed against me and I could feel her moving, so part of my consciousness remained in the middle world and ordinary reality.)

Harner seems to suggest that my failure to travel back was not a big deal.

"Even if you should forget to come back when the drumming signals you to return, you will just drift back anyway, since the drumming will no longer continue to support you in the other reality. In many ways, shamanic journeying is safer than dreaming, for the journeyer can return whenever she or he likes." 

Temporary Power Animal

I was driving from one appointment to the next and realized that there was no way "to get there from here." I needed to turn west on one road, but the road I was currently on would only allow me to turn east onto the road I needed to take. 

I realized that my (temporary) power animal could locate an alternate route for me and wondered if it was okay to bother him with such a request. I decided to ask for his help. 

 The roads in that area are anything but a logical grid, but I easily found my way. "Thanks, Dove!"

In Cave and Cosmos, Michael Harner writes that "teachers in the Upper World do not mind being 'bothered'." I hope that applies to power animals, too.

Journey

I planned to journey to the upper world to speak with my teacher. I wanted to ask her name and what else she wants me to know about her. I wanted some advice about my cat; I may have found her a new home, but before I leave, I'd like her to have a power animal or some kind of protection. I also wanted to ask my teacher to help me find a power animal for myself.

I stepped onto the balcony and watched the hummingbird feeder
A hummingbird arrived and again ignored my right hand
He grabbed my hair with his long bill and we flew up past the building and to the clouds

We traveled though the clouds, quickly, but not as quickly as before
Above them, the sky was still blue
Even after we passed through the "aura" of the Earth, the sky was still light blue
Then we were in space and I could see some stars

Again, hummingbird set me down on the surface that I could not see
The wide, white stairs were ahead and a few people were on them
I climbed past the old man's house and through the alley with many houses
Fewer children were playing
I worried that my teacher might not be in the same place I'd met her before

The stairway I was climbing ended at the small plaza
She was standing at the bottom of the staircase she'd been descending last time
I hurried toward her
She touched me cheek and took my hand
We flew toward her home and entered the doorway

The fountain and couches were the same
We sat down and tea was served
After my first sip, I asked her name
I didn't hear clearly, there was an 'sh' sound in it

Shara?, I asked

I felt that she'd accept my calling her that
Shara, I said again

Then I said, I will try not to be so impatient this time
She smiled and we watched the fountain

I rushed
I told her that I wanted to make Nutmeg safe and that I'd like to meet a power animal

She said she would go to the lower world with me
I noticed that she didn't promise to find me a power animal
I tried to be patient, but instead asked, Can we go now?
She laughed, held my hand, and lead me to the fountain

We dove into the water, which carried us back to the Earth, past my balcony and to the saguaro
Standing before it, I introduced her to Asherah (that's what I call the saguaro) and took her hand again
We dove into woodpecker nest side by side

She had a wand in her right hand that lit the tunnel
It illuminated the cave, too
We had stopped holding hands when we reached the cave

I told her about the canoe
When we reached the river, it appeared
Shara pointed her wand toward it
I could not hear what she was saying, but knew she was blessing the canoe

Then, holding hands, we flew up toward the grassy opening
We stood above the ocean
It wasn't windy this time
She looked around and seemed to be thinking seriously
Then she led me up to the sweat lodge
She was silent and serious
We stood there for a long time

Then a white bird landed on the tall (north?) wall on the far side of the church
I wondered what kind of bird it was
It was completely white, very, very white
We watched it for a little while and then Shara lead me to the church
After we entered, the bird flew down to the altar

Are you my power animal, I asked

It flew up to the shorter wall of the church
I looked at Shara and she seemed very serious... worried?
I was impatient to go elsewhere so we could look for a power animal, but decided to say nothing and to wait

Shara motioned that I should approach the bird
Voicelessly, she instructed me to ask the bird to be my power animal
I did and it flew toward me
I put out my right hand and it landed on my hand
I could feel when it pecked gently at my forefinger
Then it jumped onto my left shoulder and told me it would be my power animal until another one appeared
I could see it from the corner of my eye, but not feel it on my shoulder

I asked what it's name was

Dove

What can you teach me, I asked

How to fly without fear that you'll loose control
I knew he was referring to dreams I had as a kid in which I kept climbing higher and higher and was unable to descend and land

Dove held me and we took off, Shara behind us, flying over the low wall of the church and then down to the sweat lodge
We flew around the sweat lodge, close to the ground
Then we flew up and toward the ocean
We dove down to the ocean waves and then up
Before we reached the clouds, we dove down again
Then we flew back toward the church and to the gate I'd seen on my first journey here

We flew just a little further and landed near the remains of an old fire
It was small and round and close to the hillside
The ashes in it were mostly black rather than gray
I asked if people had been there recently
Dove seemed to nod, Shara said nothing

We flew back to the ocean, diving close to the waves and up
We did this many times
Dove wasn't holding me all the time
Shara was laughing and I felt the misty, salt water covering me each time we dove close the the waves

Dove was holding me again and we all flew to the grassy opening
I thanked him for the lesson and for being my power animal

Just until another appears, he reminded me

I felt disappointed at his reluctance
I thanked Shara for introducing us
Then Shara and I went down into the cave and back through the tunnel

We stood outside the saguaro and she reached out to touch it

As we flew to my balcony, I wanted to ask her to stay with me, but was afraid of being too demanding
I asked anyway and she agreed
I asked her what I should do today

Just what immediately needs doing, don't worry about the future

We landed on the balcony and I thanked her again

I'm back.

Odd that she touches my cheek, affectionate
Just after the journey, I found several Wikipedia articles about that name
Later, I wondered if the name were related to the Darkover novels
This evening, I wondered if the name she gave me was actually Asherah
In Cave and Cosmos, Harner says that people meet divinities in the upper world
Is she the goddess Asherah or a spirit who is simply named Asherah?
In Cave and Cosmos, Harner says you should have only one question per journey
I did emphasize that the first thing I wanted to do was find a power animal
Again, I didn't really try to be present to her or get to know her
Interesting that she blessed the canoe
She was so serious and seemed to be considering a problem
Had she wanted me to ask her something else?
Was she concerned because I hadn't seen any animals in the lower world?
Did I see the "holy spirit" at the Christian church? (oy)
The teacher in the Spokane workshop said a power animal would appear to you three times
I saw the bird on the north wall of the church, on the altar, and on the south wall
My teacher seemed so serious-- why?
I wonder if my teacher asked the bird to agree to be my power animal
The bird responded quickly when I asked what he could teach me; maybe it wanted to be my power animal all along
Interesting that that was my lesson
What did the campfire indicate?
Were the people who left it visitors, like me, or residents of the lower world?
I flew on my own, but I wasn't as ecstatic as people who described their journeys in Harner's book
I didn't do anything "important" today
When I was eating lunch, I asked my teacher if she could taste the food through me and invited her to do so 

Upper World Teacher

Last night, I made two cups of tea, for myself and my teacher. I did feel that she was present in my home. I also began reading Cave and Cosmos by Michael Harner. 

This morning, I still felt her presence as I did various things. Later, I opened my Kindle to continue reading. Suddenly, the page changed and I read this:

Why does the teacher not stay in the Middle World permanently to heal and help? One of the reasons is because the shaman cannot long maintain the concentration necessary to continue the merging or embodiment.

The Kindle had jumped 120 pages ahead. My Kindle has never done that before, so I think my teacher made it happen to tell me that she might not be staying or that I might become less aware of her presence.

On a different note, Harner writes that "it is unsafe not to know shamanism" because we all need help and protection. I've been wondering why I haven't met an animal and why the lower world seemed felt lifeless in all but one of my lower world journeys. 

Shamans, unlike most other people, do not have to wait until things go wrong in their lives to realize that they have lost their spiritual power connections. Through the journey method, they can discover, well before the symptoms of power loss or powerlessness occur, whether they are still connected to their power animals. The method is simple: when they repeatedly journey and call upon their power animals for help, and no power animal appears, then the shamans realize their power animals have left them. Knowing this before misfortune occurs makes it possible for shamans to take action to get the power connection restored.

I will journey today and ask my teacher if she will help me meet a power animal. (But first, I will ask her what her name is.)

"When [shamans] repeatedly journey and call upon their power animals for help, and no power animal appears, then the shamans realize their power animals have left them."

Journey

Since I didn't find an animal in the lower world, I decided to try to journey to the upperworld and look for a teacher. I wondered if a hummingbird could take me there. I found a different recording to play during this journey.

I walk onto my balcony and wait at the hummingbird feeder
A hummingbird flies toward me and I slowly reach out with one hand
The hummingbird quickly grabs my hair and pulls me skyward
We rush upward and through the clouds
Moving fast we pass through a circle around the earth, but are still in earth's atmosphere
We continue climbing, even faster
Then we're in space (it's not black, but I know we're not in the atmosphere any more)

Hummingbird sets me down on something solid that I can't see
There's movement and I see people in the distance climbing up and down white stairs
I wave at the hummingbird and run toward the people
I begin climbing the stairs, too

I see a few buildings, small and white with domed roofs
I rush toward the doorless entry of one and almost rush in
I stop myself and call into the darkness, Hello?

A man's voice responds

I ask, May I come in?

Yes

I approach an elderly man
He's wearing white and has something on his head
I ask, Are you my teacher?

No

Do you know where my teacher is?

He points and I leave

I climb more stairs between homes
There are lots of children playing; I can't hear their laughter
There's a girl skipping rope in front of one home and a boy bent over and drawing with chalk

The stairs end and there are two new sets of stairs
I see, descending from the left, a woman
She is dressed magnificently
Transparent gold over a heavy, long, red dress with a broad skirt
Some sort of head ornament that I can't see clearly
She sees me and pauses
I bow and then walk toward her
She smiles as I approach and I bow again

Are you my teacher, I ask

Yes

She touches my shoulder and leads me down the steps

I ask, Are we going to your home?

She laughs and takes my hand

We fly away from the white stairs and houses
There's a landscape now, Mediterranean
Before, the stairs and houses were just in space, not grounded in a place

We approach a large building
I can't really see it, it's not a palace or castle, I just know it's large
We enter

It's very open and there's a fountain in the middle
She leads me to two low couches and a table and we sit down
She calls for... tea?

Someone appears immediately with a tray and an unusual pot
After it's placed on the table, she pours and we drink from tiny cups
It's thick, but not coffee or tea
She offers me another cup

I look at her hands as she sipps her drink and I look at the water falling in the fountain
Is she wearing a veil? transparent gold, but I think it was just over her hair, not her face
She offers me another cup
I ask her what she has to teach me and she laughs

I refuse, she waits, and then I accept (it's not as if I'll have to pee if I drink too much here)
I finish the third cup of tea and someone appears to take the tray away

I tell her I didn't meet an animal in the lower world

She says, Yes

Yes, I did meet an animal, or yes, you know?

Yes, I know

My teacher pulls an instrument towards her and the places it on the table
I ask, Do you play?

She laughs and hands the harp to me
It's very light
I ask if I should play it
Yes

I run my finger across all the string
They are taut
I don't hear any sound
Keep playing, she says

I pluck individual strings randomly
She laughs and rises to dance
I keep playing and she dances away from me towards pillars that open onto a balcony
Afraid she's leaving, I stop playing and rush toward her
She stops dancing and takes my hand

Look into the fountain
I turn around and walk to the fountain
I see my own reflection in the water
It's me... but different... younger? prettier? definitely me but different
I stare into the water, waiting for other images to appear
Something over my shoulder, but I can't make it out
I look up at the falling water and turn back to my teacher

All will be well, she says

I beg and ask two or three questions
She laughs

I asked if she'd be here when I came again

Yes

Will you come back with me

Yes

She took my hand and we flew out the door, back to the town, over the descending stairs

Hummingbird was waiting
She reached out to him and we three traveled down
We reached my balcony and I asked, You're really going to stay?

Yes

Will you speak to me?

I will watch and I will listen

We land on the balcony

I am back

Why didn't I ask her name?

Several of the journeys described in Cave and Cosmos include a very rapid ascent to the upper world
I thought of Jacob's ladder when I wrote that people were moving up and down the stairs
White buildings with domed roofs-- clouds?
Interesting that I bowed to the woman several times; I felt she deserved reverence
I didn't interact with her; I was rushing and perhaps the scene wasn't vivid
Cave and Cosmos includes many stories of music in the upper world
Odd that I couldn't hear it, just as I couldn't hear the waves in the lower world
Her dancing reminds me of Miriam and the women at the sea of reeds
Looking into the fountain is from The Mirror of Galadriel
All will be well is reminiscent of Julian of Norwich
I was rude; I want to be really present to her the next time I visit the upper world

Journey

I journeyed with the intention to meet with an animal that is waiting for me.

I walked up to the saguaro and admired her outstretched arms
I entered the woodpecker nest and traveled down the roots of the saguaro to the tunnel
It was dark
I could feel myself moving

I thought I might have passed the cave
But then I was there

It was dark but I could see that, this time, all the stones on the floor were reddish, rust colored
The air was cold
I wondered if I'd see the canoe and it appeared from upstream
I knew I could get in without capsizing it
We floated downriver

It was dark but I could see color on its hull, turquoise and rust

I reminded myself that I was going to meet an animal that was waiting for me
I heard the sound of a waterfall

The canoe turned right as the current turned a sharp left
We struck sand, a tiny, enclosed beach

I pulled the canoe up further and sat down with my feet in the water
Water splashed on my pants and it was cold
I waited and watched the water, wondering if I'd see a fish jump up (the salmon of wisdom, perhaps)
I squirmed back through the sand and leaned against the stone wall
I waited and watched

Finally, I pushed the canoe back in the water and looked for a paddle
There was none, so I just let the canoe move with the current

We entered a lake inside an enormous cave
I couldn't see them, but I knew there were pillars reaching up high to the ceiling
I wondered where we were going
I couldn't hear a waterfall any more

Suddenly, we began falling down a waterfall that took us outside the cave

I hadn't seen the opening, but it was light outside
The canoe began to fly
I assumed there was ocean below, but I looked up and saw a tree growing on top of the cliff
The canoe flew through the air, upward, and circled left
It landed far from the tree I'd seen and I stepped out

There was another tree nearby and, possibly, a few more in the distance
I looked for the animal who was waiting for me

Although I'd seen no animals, this part of the lower world didn't feel as lifeless as other parts had
I walked for a while, but didn't seem to get closer to the other trees
I wasn't far from the canoe and I hadn't gone past that tree
I looked up and sensed that a large bird had just flown away
I looked back at the canoe and wondered if anyone had been in it with me, someone small
I walked back and looked
Maybe someone very small had just scurried away

I walked some more, again making no progress
I wanted to give up but kept reminding myself that an animal was waiting for me
I walked and walked but the scenery didn't change
Finally, I turned around and was still right by the canoe

I wondered if the canoe was the "animal" I was supposed to meet
I was frustrated and didn't know what to do
I wondered if I was supposed to journey to the upperworld and look for a teacher
I touched the canoe and said, Thank you
Then I flew down the cliff, over the waterfall, the lake (inside the cave system), and the river
and walked back though the cave to the tunnel

I emerged outside the saguaro and said, I'm back

Interesting that I could see the color of the stones in the darkness
What does it mean that they were rust colored?
Is the canoe a living being?
How could I see designs on the outside of the hull when I was inside it?
Surprising how vivid the sensation of cold was
The underground lake with pillars is from a fantasy novel (perhaps Sheri Tepper?)
The flying canoe made me think of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Isn't the lower world supposed to be friendlier and more co-operative?

Journey

Awoke when the sky was beginning to get light. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided to journey without getting out of bed or turning on any music.

I entered through the saguaro and the the tunnel was blindingly bright. I kept moving forward and downward. Suddenly I was standing next to the grassy opening and looking down at the ocean.

I decided that I could float down to the beach below. The sand was hot and silky as it is in Tel Aviv.

I looked around for signs of life, but saw none. I decided to lie down on the beach and watch.

I returned from my journey, and was still unable to fall asleep.

I wonder if that was a real journey to the lower world, or if I was just imagining it. 

Journey

Back home, I journeyed again, without Kenny's supervision.

The tunnel to the cave was much shorter
I was barefoot when I stepped into the river, but didn't hurt my feet on the rocks
When the light grew brighter, I climbed up and jumped across

When I emerged, I was in the ocean, swimming around the reef
I could feel the waves lift my body
I approached the shore
There was a round curragh that I pulled out of the water to higher ground

I followed a path to some cottages
A cat ran away from the one with a smoking chimney
The top half of the door was open
Looking in, I saw there was no furniture, just a smoking hearth

Things became less vivid and I was worried I'd loose the vision, so I headed back

After walking out of the river in the cave, I hurried more
From the large, empty cave, I entered the tunnel and was soon by the saguaro again

I'm back

The cottages above the beach and the smoke from an empty cottage were straight from the movie, The Secret of Roan Inish.

Journey

After discussing my journey with Kenny (it seemed significant that the landscape had seemed profoundly devoid of life), he asked if I wanted to journey again. Since I hadn't wanted to come back, I was eager to do so!

He suggested that I make the intention to go back to the place that my last journey ended.

The tunnel from the saguaro was different, but I wound up in the same cave

When I reached the river, the empty canoe floated past again

I climbed out of the hole and walked up the hill past the ruins
It was a hard, long walk over to the top of the steep path that lead to the beach
When I was a third of the way down, I noticed faces in the rock wall of the cliff
I stopped and stared at one; it changed from an animal into an elf(?) and then became an opening
I decided to go in

There was blue light that became purple as I descended
Strange rock structures (not really stalagmites or stalagtites) like strings of minerals
It became very dark and the atmosphere felt different, a little dangerous
I knelt down and reached forward with my hands

In front of me was emptiness instead of a path and I could feel cool air from below
I crawled to my left and found the path again; it was narrower
I stood and moved forward, pressing my front against the wall
Then the ledge became narrower than my foot and I moved back

I was a little scared because the environment seemed hostile
When I saw the opening again, it moved a little, reminding me of a mouth

I stepped outside and found that the path to the beach was gone

I made my way down to a very low and sandy part of the beach

When I reached higher ground, the beach was covered with shells that crunched under my shoes
I took of my shoes so that I wouldn't crush them
They didn't hurt my feet and my weight didn't crush them

Walked along wet sand, sinking into it and feeling the waves take my footing away

Sat on a rock promontory and watched the waves
One made a big splash and I got wet
I looked for life and noticed there wasn't even any seaweed on the beach
Looked up, but couldn't see the church

Got the feeling there were people further down the beach
I turned back and continued to walk along the shore

Suddenly there was another, very large promontory blocking my way
I put my shoes back on and began walking over it
The landscape to my left (above the ocean changed) - strangely shaped rocks several stories tall
It looked alien, not of the Earth

A cave appeared before me, entirely blocking my planned route
I decided to swim around it and went far out in the water, being lifted and lowered by the waves

The music changed and it was time to return... I stood outside the saguaro

Kenny said it was great that I explored the dead-end cave and advised me to always be adventurous
I secretly disagreed-- it felt as if the cave, or someone who created the cave, had animosity against me
It's interesting that I could sense the emptiness in front of me when I was walking on the cave path; I knew to get on my hands and knees to safely check the path
The cave "mouth" was from Star Wars
Odd that my shoes crushed the shells but my weight on bare feet did not
The sensation of walking in the wet sad was very real
The salty water that splashed on me felt real, too
I wondered if I was really in the lower world when that rocky promontory suddenly appeared down the beach
The alien landscape after that seemed, well, alien
I've never swum in ocean, but I imagine waves would feel just like that  

Journey

Kenny covered my eyes and gave me headphones. I described my journey to him as it happened.

Entered former woodpecker nest in the saguaro
At the end of her short roots, tunnel began

Traveled down for a while and then horizontally
It wasn't absolutely dark and I could see the walls of the tunnel
Moved through the tunnel for a long time

Then I was in a huge, dark space and couldn't see anything
The air felt wet
I walked forward and reached an area of loose, fist sized rocks
A little farther on, I could see that some of the rocks were wet, then I saw running water
An empty canoe was floating with the current

I stepped into the water until I was in deep enough to grab the prow of the canoe
Canoe spun around in the current
I didn't know how I'd get into the canoe, so I let go of it
It followed the current and I watched it move away

I kept walking upstream, between the walls of the enormous cave
Light came from above on the far side (left) of the river
I climbed some large rocks on the right that reached the roof of the cave (30 feet up?)
Then I jumped across the river to get to a rock below the opening the light was coming from
The opening was the size of a manhole and grassy at the edges
I climbed out

My vision was very narrow
I could see the grass under my feet and in front of me and the ocean below a cliff edge
I listened for the waves, but couldn't hear them
I wanted to look around and be sure of my environment, but I was a little afraid to do so
I got on my hands and knees and crawled toward the cliff edge
I looked down and saw water hitting rocks

I backed up and turned around
There was an uphill slope covered in grass and a ruined, stone church
I stood up and walked toward the church

The wind was strong and my hair flew around my eyes
A shadow suggested that bird had just flow overhead, but I didn't see the bird

After I reached the top of the hill, I came to a very small, short building
It was round and had a sharply slanting, slate roof and sturdy stone walls

Beyond it, the large church had no roof
I entered and saw that the altar was still there
The floor had been built at several different levels

I walked clockwise around the outside of the church
There were lots of windows on the left
There were no windows at all behind the altar
There had been fewer windows on the right side even before the wall had begun collapsing
Below and in front of the church the ground dropped quickly
I was a stone pillar that might have been part of a low wall at some time

I walked to it and looked and the rolling land below
It was strangely devoid of life; there should have been sheep or something

I wanted to go to the beach and look at the ocean
I turned back and walked passed the church on the left (opposite the side I'd come from)

A few yards beyond the church, I could see the ocean
In the distance, there was a steep path down to the water

The drumming rhythm changed and it was time to go back. I didn't want to go.

I passed the church and then the sweat lodge
Instantly, I was entering the grassy hole
There was enough light to see that the walls of the cave were a greenish stone
I jumped across to the other rocks and climbed down to the river
Walked downriver then turned left into the darkness of the cave
Wondered how I'd find the tunnel back since it was pitch black
Decided to guess and then I was in the tunnel
Movement was difficult, much slower than coming had been

Suddenly, I was standing outside the saguaro.

Kenny thought it was great that I could feel moisture in the air
It's interesting that an empty canoe appeared
The cave, river, and light are like the Nine of Water in the Gaian Tarot
The grassy opening at the top of a cliff above the ocean is straight from The Wicker Man
It's interesting that I could not hear the waves or the wind
The landscape, sweat lodge, and church seemed to be in Ireland
Although I saw a moving shadow, the place seemed completely lifeless
Odd that I'd see a church and odd that the altar of such a ruin was intact
The different levels of floor seemed intentional and significant
It was strange that there was no window behind the altar

Visiting a Shaman

Kenny Emerson had agreed to teach me to journey. I described my previous experiences to him.

Around 1984:

I read Michael Harner's book, The Way of the Shaman, I journeyed once. I don't remember anything about that journey.

Around 1994:

I listened to some tapes by Sandra Ingerman and was fascinated. I wrote to her to find a shamanic practitioner in my area; there were none at that time.

Around 2003:

I journeyed once, without music or other aids, but simply lying on my bed during a bright day and closing my eyes, and I had a very vivid experience that I didn't understand for years. During the journey, I came out of the tunnel and saw a stone wall. I tried to hold the wall up, but rocks kept falling all around me.

2011 and 2012:

I visited Linda Parsons several times and she did soul retrievals and found a number of my power animals for me.

In 2015:

I went to a workshop in Spokane and did not meet a power animal or a teacher during my journeys.

During the first lower world journey, the instructor told us he'd only drum for a few minutes so we should find out power animals. I reached a field of tall grasses and hurried forward, worried that I didn't see any life besides the grasses. I reached a body of water and was in a panic that I might not be fast enough.

A bear, paddling a canoe appeared and told me to hop in since I was in such a hurry. (He was the bear from the Hamm's Beer commercials.) My first thought was, "Ya gotta be kidding me," but he offered again, so I got in the canoe and we moved further out in the water. Then I seemed to be hallucinating; there were rows and rows of ducks that kept marching towards me. Someone journeyed for me and found two power animals.

During the upper world journey, I found myself in an electric blue and gold "room" out among the stars; it was similar to the medieval engraving of an astonomer poking his head out of a box to look at the stars. I was able to retrieve information for a classmate that he said was meaningful, but I did not meet a teacher.

During the middle world journey, I saw a battered car in a ravine and knew I was supposed to notify authorities to help them find a missing person, but the instructor always talked a lot and loudly immediately after each journey, so I forgot the information before I could write it down.

This time:

Kenny decided that, instead of drumming for me, he'd have me listen to recorded music while I described my journey aloud to him as it happened.

How to Move Forward

You have the inner strength and the inner knowledge to resolve the difficulties you face now. Don't be afraid to look within and embrace your passions.


(Images from The Gaian Tarot)