Contemplative Tarot: What to Do with Darkness

Shadow, Self, and Soul:

What are these dark felings? The Tower suggests that something in my foundational beliefs is shifting. Maybe I’m being asked to believe that conflict doesn’t mean everything is ruined—that even real upheaval can lead to growth.

I wonder. I ask myself: What are these dark feelings revealing? Can I still feel my longing for joy, for connection, for peace? That longing is part of me—and it points me back to the vision I hold of emotional harmony and belonging (Ten of Cups).

My soul reminds me that emotions aren’t obstacles. They’re signals. They guide me toward what matters. So I choose to keep going—not forcefully, but faithfully (Knight of Cups). I let my heart stay open, and I let my soul guide me, even through uncertain waters.

Dream Doorway

Last night, I dreamed I was standing in a threshold—stuck there. My feet wouldn’t move and I was unable to step forward. When I woke up, the feeling lingered.

I’ve thought about leaving Israel countless times, even come close, yet here I am still here. Still hovering in that in-between space. The dream felt like a message, but I needed more clarity. So I turned to my tarot deck.

I drew the Five of Cups reversed, Eight of Pentacles reversed, and the Tower reversed.

Even before analyzing the cards, I could see how they mirrored my situation. Dreaming of being stuck in a doorway captures everything: neither fully in nor out, caught in the space between staying and leaving.

The Cards:

Five of Cups Reversed – This card is about moving past grief, regret, or disappointment. Maybe I am letting go of something—past hopes, past pain, past beliefs about what living here was supposed to be? But if I’ve begun to let go, why am I not moving forward?

Eight of Pentacles Reversed – Stagnation. Lack of progress. Fear. I recognize that I haven't and may never integrate into Israeli life, and yet I can't commit to giving up either. Am I holding myself back because I doubt my ability to start over somewhere new?

The Tower Reversed – Resistance to change. Trying to avoid upheaval. The Tower reversed doesn’t bring sudden devastation but rather a slow, creeping realization that a change must happen. I’ve known for a long time that my values and preferences don’t fully align with Israeli society, and it has become clear that my current life here isn’t sustainable. But knowing isn’t the same as acting. And acting means accepting that there’s no going back!

The Message

I’m ready to move on, but fear is causing me to hesitate. Fear of upheaval. Fear of failure. Fear of letting go of the place that has shaped me.

But the dream and the reading both make something clear: I am still standing in the doorwayand if I don’t step forward, I will remain stuck between two worlds, belonging to neither. It’s time to decide.

Two spreads for selecting a spiritual counselor

I just scheduled an hour-long spiritual counseling session with someone I've watched on YouTube a few times. Our appointment isn't for another sixteen days, which has given me time to second-guess my decision.

So I tried to create a spread to determine if working with this counselor would be beneficial. (I selected The High Priestess as the counselor's significator, because she's a guide and because she has very black hair.)

First reading

These were my questions: 

• As I approach, does she want to help me? 5 Swords
  Not a pretty card, it usually indicates a mean person, a "sore winner," who enjoys inflicting both defeat and humiliation. This doesn't look like the image of a spiritual counselor; maybe it's saying more about me as I approach her. Is there any indication that my situation would make me an "attractive" client to her?A positive spin would be that she wants to take negative thoughts (swords) from me.
• Does she have the resources to help me? Queen Swords
  Her rank indicates she has the experience to help, her sword indicates she has the knowledge and communication skills to help, and her open hand may suggest that she wants to help. But what might she do with the sword in her right hand if I reach for her left hand?
• Can she intuit what help I need? 6 Wands
  The card suggests that as long as I’m cooperating with her, she’ll be able to successfully intuit any needs that I am unaware of or unable to articulate.
• Will working with her put me on the right path? Tower
  This can be a terrible card, but could be interpreted positively, as enlightenment and recognition of what part of my foundation needs to be replaced.

I realized that, in the first reading, I'd committed the cardinal error of asking yes/no questions, so I did a second spread, which included a significator for myself, the Four of Wands, which appeared in a reading earlier today. I understood it to mean that my energy and creativity are restricted.

Second reading

These were my questions for the second reading: 

• What does the counselor want from me? 10 of Pentacles
  The cynical part of me answered: 'She wants my coins.' The more creative part of me thinks she's seeking wholeness, both for me and for herself.
• What do I want from her? 8 Strength
  Self-awareness, inner strength, a connection to my feelings, the integration of my conscious and unconscious.
• What can the counselor offer me? 7 Chariot
  Encouragement to get back on the horse and move forward, and an idea of what direction to go.
• What can I gain from working with her? 3 Empress
  Creativity, self-love, and a sense of self worth.
• What she cannot give me: 8 of Swords
  She cannot free me; I have to do that myself.
• Outcome of our work for me? 2 of Swords
  Usually a negative card, but here it might mean recognizing what my choices are, examining my feelings and intuition, and then balancing those with rational decision making, so I can get off the ruin and move to a better place.

The second reading seems fairly encouraging. And the outcome card (for each reading) could be positive, even though I most often assign "negative" meanings to The Tower and the Two of Swords.

EDIT: Oephebia had some additional ideas about both readings. In summary: Make sure the counselor is a compassionate person. Avoid being rigid; I must be willing to change and move forward without looking back.

The Blind Spot Spread

Occasionally people feel they are missing some important piece of information as they review their situation or make plans for the future. This particular spread helps you discover that missing piece.

The following reading was generated by Tarot Smith and the images are from The Diary of a Broken Soul.

XII - The Hanged One

1. This card displays the obvious identity, the part of your self that you are consciously aware of and project to others. The card represents a person who is in limbo while contemplating a decision. It may require a sacrifice without expectation of receiving something in return. The decision must not be made in haste. The experience of contemplation is an opportunity for growth and maturity.

XVI - The Tower

2. This card shows unconscious driving forces that neither you nor others are aware of about you. This is the Great Unknown. Is it be better to hold on to a lie because it gives us hope; or is it be better to know a truth that throws us off the edge of deception into the abyss below?

King of Hearts

3. The part of yourself that you conceal, that you don't want others to know about is apparent in this card. A person of deep emotions who has been taught not to express them. It is important to be aware of them and learn from them.

X - Imprisoned Instincts

4. This is your Blind Spot. This is what you asked about which you should be made aware of by this reading. You may wish to pay close attention to these mannerisms. It is more important to understand your reactions to an event than to understand the reasons for an event. Learn to understand yourself and you will know how to cope.

Balance at the Threshold - a Reading by Carolyn Cushing

Carolyn Cushing offers New Moon Readings throughout the year. In this season, her readings address what you need to leave behind now, how to find your balance, and what can emerge for you.

Carolyn’s readings are always insightful. I am preparing for a journey and have been so busy that I haven’t had time for personal reflection. So her invitation to spend time with her and the cards seemed propitious.

A recent personal revelation and Carolyn’s reading suggest that there is something I must reclaim before I continue with my current plans.

LEAVE BEHIND: What would be beneficial to leave behind in winter’s dark mystery?

Elder of Water

What is the story unfolding in this card?

What is he leaving behind? What is he heading toward?

How does he know which way to head?

How is this a picture of you?

This card makes me want to ask you…

What emotions are you ready to leave behind?

“Who” helps you to do this?

The story is about movement over water, through feelings and memories, to a new place and time. The man in the card is leaving terra firma and stagnation, carried safely in his “ark.”

(Is that mountain in Oregon? My rabbi is in Lake Oswega and another rabbi I might like working with is nearby-- should I take soul retreat in Portland before making aliyah?)

The man in the card cannot see where he is going; he trusts the hints from his intuition and just rows his boat. Although he sits in an awkward position, he holds the oars with practiced ease. This is a picture of me, moving toward a future that I can’t see or guess. I am listening for guidance… and trusting it.

The otter watches the Elder with playfulness and spontaneity, gratitude, and caring. These are attitudes that might aid me.

BALANCE: How to find my right balance at the threshold?

The Tree

What surprises you about this image? What troubles you? What delights you?

Describe the places of balance in this card. How are they maintained? What example do they offer to you for your own balance?

How does the season balance in the whole of yearly cycle? What lessons does it offer to you about balance at this time in your life?

This card makes me want to ask you…

Are you taking time to pause, to contemplate, to meditate as you make this transition?

I can’t answer any of Carolyn’s questions about The Tree, but I wonder if the card represents a need for stillness. As one finds balance in yoga by focusing inward and responding to imbalances, I should seek balance in everyday life, without fear or comparisons, but by responding to each moment and internal movement. (And maybe I should start doing more yoga, too.)

EMERGE INTO: What can emerge for me as I step into the spring’s new light?

Elder of Earth

What is happening here? What came before to make it possible?

What symbolic element most captures your attention? What meaning does it hold for you? What does it invite you to emerge into?

How is this a picture of you?

This card makes me want to ask you…

What would it mean to think of yourself as a master of change?

A woman, who may be both older and wiser, is spinning a tale, weaving together the threads of her past. This is helping her, but ideally, the story she tells will also help other people.

What happened before: dissolution, losing herself and her path.

The land in the image makes me feel secure, but the presence of the deer prevents it from being static or stagnant. The deer speaks to me of grace, gentleness, trusting one’s instincts, caution, and freedom.

The card invites me to regain my confidence and to release fears for my security. I can emerge into creativity. I can transform myself.

Carolyn’s thoughts on the cards are similar to my own.

LEAVE BEHIND: This card offers an interesting visual on “leaving behind.” The Elder is leaving behind the great wide ocean to head toward the shore, his home. He can’t actually see the shore and moves from skill and trust toward this destination. Moving from these ideas to your life, you might think of it as you are leaving behind a vast and seemingly endless sea of emotions to trust your movements toward a new shore, a new life. You are invited to leave behind the emotions that are linked to the place where you have been, perhaps a few happy ones to mark and celebrate and most certainly the deeper murkier ones.

BALANCE: One of my favorite meanings for this card comes from Rachel Pollack where she talks about the Hanged One as surrendering to the spiritual, to one’s highest purpose. To make such a surrender requires sacrifice, but also a grounding in what is most important. That which is most important or compelling, our highest spiritual calling perhaps, is the Tree that supports us as we do this odd looking working. So even as your life is topsy-turvy from making a big change, keep going back to grounding yourself in this calling. The card suggests that taking mindful moments of meditation (specifically yoga if that is already your practice, but if not that, then the form of meditation that grounds you the most) as you go through the transition.

EMERGE INTO: Wow, I love this image here. The Wheel of Change is being used as a tool for creating a life that is abundant nurturing, and beautiful. You’ve met the Wheel of Change and learned its ways. Now you will emerge into the rewards that it offers.

OVERALL: As a story these cards show you shifting from an Elder focused on emotions to an Elder spinning her own Wheel of Change. The point of power through you must pass to make the transition includes: surrendering to your highest calling, meditation, and daring to turn your life upside down.

Blessings on you for the journey!