Dream Doorway

Last night, I dreamed I was standing in a doorway—stuck there. My feet wouldn’t move. The space beyond the door was open, but I hesitated, unable to step forward. When I woke up, the feeling lingered.

I’ve thought about leaving Israel countless times, even come close, yet here I am. Still here. Still hovering in that in-between space. The dream felt like a message, but I needed more clarity. So I turned to my tarot deck.

I drew the Five of Cups reversed, Eight of Pentacles reversed, and the Tower reversed.

Even before analyzing the cards, I could see how they mirrored my situation. Dreaming of being stuck in a doorway captures everything—neither fully in nor out, caught in the space between staying and leaving. A threshold not crossed.

The Cards

Five of Cups Reversed – This card is about moving past grief, regret, or disappointment. Maybe I am letting go of something—past hopes, past pain, past beliefs about what living here was supposed to be. But if I’ve begun to release the past, why haven’t I moved forward?

Eight of Pentacles Reversed – Stagnation. Lack of progress. Fear. The card suggests that I haven’t put in the work needed to truly integrate into Israeli life, and I haven’t fully committed to leaving either. It asks a hard question: Am I holding myself back because I doubt my ability to start over somewhere new?

The Tower Reversed – Resistance to change. Avoiding upheaval. The Tower reversed doesn’t bring a sudden explosion of destruction but rather a slow, creeping realization that a shift must happen. I’ve known for a long time that my values don’t fully align with Israeli society, that my current life isn’t sustainable. But knowing isn’t the same as acting. And acting means accepting that there’s no going back.

The Message

I am in transition, but I haven’t committed to crossing the threshold. The Five of Cups reversed tells me I’m ready to move on, but the Eight of Pentacles reversed and Tower reversed reveal my hesitation. Fear of upheaval. Fear of failure. Fear of letting go of the place that has shaped me.

But the dream and the reading both make something clear: I am still standing in the doorway. And if I don’t step forward, I will remain stuck between two worlds, belonging fully to neither. Maybe it’s time to decide.