Why People Have Weddings

Weddings puzzle me. They are a nightmare to plan, they’re completely unnecessary, the rules and requirements are medieval, and no one enjoys them. (Seriously, have you ever heard anyone say, "I had so much fun at their wedding!")

If a friend wants to have a wedding, of course I'll help her out. I’ll order the flowers, pick up the cake, and keep track of the gifts-- whatever she needs. But I will NOT be a bridesmaid.

I feel 1992 as if it happened yesterday. (Actually, I feel it even more than I did then.)

I was honored when Vicky Flowers asked me to be her Maid of Honor. After I agreed, she said, “We didn’t know who to ask to be Best Man and Maid of Honor. We just realized that we don’t have any friends!”

She must have misspoken.

The weekend I was supposed to drive to Monterey to help her shop for bridesmaid dresses, I came down with a terrible cold. This taught me an important lesson: Never let a young woman enter a bridal shop without supervision. 
Vicky had said that she didn’t want her bridesmaids to wear silly costumes, but alone with a salesperson, she changed her mind. (Here's some advice: if you're ever asked to be a bridesmaid, start saving immediately. You won't believe the cost of that dress.)

I was looking forward to fulfilling the Maid of Honor’s most important job, throwing the bridal shower. (There are books on this subject, if you ever need guidance.) When I brought it up, she said her future sister-in-law had asked to do it. That was disappointing.

Not getting an invitation to the bridal shower was more disappointing. I had to call Vicky and ask for directions.

After a very long, early morning drive to Monterey, I couldn't find the restaurant where the bridal shower was to take place. It wasn’t in the phone book, so I called her father. He didn’t know any more than I did. 
I drove around some more.

A couple hours after the party was scheduled to begin, all I could do was go to her home, give the shower gift to her father, and drive back to the Bay Area.

The wedding day rolled around. There was much posing for pictures. (Boring! Don't do this at your wedding.) The other guests clustered in their old high school cliques. I smiled a lot. Later, the best man took me out on the floor for the first dance. For the rest of the afternoon, I smiled a lot and tried to start conversations with strangers.

Vicky looked beautiful and seemed to be having a wonderful time. She was upset when she noticed that the hem of her white dress had turned black from swishing across the dance floor so much.

Then there was another drive back to the Bay Area where I waited for a post card from their Hawaiian honeymoon or a wedding picture. I assume her parents let her know that I called a several times.

Do you think she is still married? After all that went into the wedding, she damn well better be! 


Perhaps that is the purpose of weddings:

to get everyone invested in making the marriage succeed.