Clarity of Vision and Purpose

Fountain Tarot

Today's card is The Magician. Rather than discuss the imagery of the card, I am going to explore its occult significance. I will be relying on attributions put forward by Donald Tyson. This topic is new to me so I'd appreciate comments.

Most often, The Magician is associated with the Hebrew letter bet. Bet, which also means house and begins the word for blessing, would seem to belong to The High Priestess, the temple keeper. Tyson links The Magician to the letter gimel.

Tyson's attribution immediately poses a problem. In the Zohar, the letter gimel is paired with the letter dalet. So you would conclude that The Magician (associated with gimel) and The Empress (associated with dalet) must also be a pair.

This connection is unexpected since The Magician, usually described in terms of the conscious mind, is often contrasted with the unconscious represented by The Priestess. The association of The Empress with dalet is more unexpected. Gimel is called a benefactor and dalet is called poverty. This seems counter intuitive because The Empress is the card of abundance and creativity; she is the one who nurtures all life.

When the Holy One desired to create the world, each of the letters came before Him and said, may it please You to create the world with me... The letters Dalet and Gimel entered [together]... He told them also be satisfied with being with each other, because there will always be poor men on Earth, and they should be given a benefactor. The letter Dalet is poor because it is called Dalet, from poverty (Heb. dalut), and the Gimel reciprocates as a benefactor (Heb. gomelet) to Dalet. Therefore do not leave each other, and it should suffice you that you sustain one another.

Universal Waite Tarot

(Gomelet, benefactor, is feminine here. We are used to the phrase gomel chasadim tovim-- who bestows kindly goodness-- being directed to a male divinity in the first blessing of the Amidah.)

So, the Empress has no wealth of her own and requires a benefactor. If The Magician is her benefactor, from where does he acquire the abundance that he shares with her?

Perhaps he receives it from The Priestess, the card immediately preceding him. That card's letter is bet, which means house or temple. The Empress's letter, dalet, means door. The Priestess tends the supernal temple, dwelling place of the Divine, and the Empress is the door of this world. The Magician stands between them, channeling blessings from the heavens to the Earth. The Supernal Mother, not Mother Earth, is the ultimate source "from whom all blessings flow."

The lesson of The Empress may be that we possess nothing, but what is the lesson of The Magician? Does he point to the the ultimate source of all abundance? Is he a reminder that to do our best work in the world, we must allow ourselves to be channels of a higher power?

Robin Wood Tarot

Those possibilities seem to be reflected in stance of figure in the Waite deck, his arms directing energy from the heavens to Earth. In the Fountain Tarot (top of post), the infinity symbol above the suit symbols could also be interpreted in those ways, but I am captivated by the eyes of that magician. They remind me of a recent parasha in which an older Joseph's clarity of vision helped him understand dreams, recognize his brothers, and act with the knowledge that god was guiding events.

It seems that contemplating the Kabbalistic associations to interpret the cards can be fruitful, too. My limited knowledge of Kabbalah, Hebrew, and astrology will prevent me from delving deeply into this side of tarot. So relying on the imagery of the cards to stimulate my intuition will probably remain my preferred method of reading the cards, but it is fun and interesting to pull some Judaism from the depths of my memory while playing with tarot cards. 

Esoteric Tarot

I've begun studying the occult aspects of tarot. In anticipation upcoming posts, I will try to explain the tarot attributions I'll be relying on.

The association of Hebrew letters with Tarot's Major Arcana cards was made explicit by members of the Golden Dawn in the 19th century who relied on a Jewish Kabbalistic text, the Sefer Yetzirah.

In the Sefer Yetzirah the letters alef, mem, and shin are associated with celestial air, celestial water, and celestial fire. Seven of the Hebrew letters (the six begedkefet and one guttural) are associated with seven celestial bodies. The remaining letters are associated with twelve regions of the zodiac.

The Golden Dawn applied the zodiac signs (and thus, the single letters), in their natural order, to the Major Arcana cards in their numeric order. They did not do the same with the celestial bodies (and double letters) because the symbolism of the Majors in their traditional numeric order and the symbolism of the celestial bodies (in order of their apparent speed) do not align.

To place the first astrological planet, the Moon, on the first Double letter would result in the planet the Moon being linked with the Magician. The Moon is a feminine planet, whereas the Magician is a strongly masculine trump. Similarly, the second planet... Mercury, would fall on the trump the High Priestess. This also seems incorrect. Mercury is a masculine planet, and is associated with magic, but the High Priestess is a feminine trump and is associated with mystery.

So they put Mercury first and the Moon second. (He also inverted Strength and Justice to make the numeric order of the cards match the order of the zodiac signs.)

Donald Tyson found that this wasn't ideal and changed the sequence of the Major Arcana so that the celestial bodies assigned to them would be in order from fastest to slowest: Moon, Mercury, Venus, Sun, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn. In his system, The High Priestess is the first card after The Fool, The Magician is the second card, Temperance is the seventh card, and the Chariot is the fourteenth.

To my mind, the warlike Archer is a much more appropriate zodiac sign for a trump of war than the Crab, particularly since chariots were used as mobile platforms for archers during war. On the other hand, feminine and nurturing Cancer seems well suited to Temperance. There is a natural yin-yang balance in the glyph of Cancer itself, which resembles the symbolism on the traditional version of the trump Temperance of two vessels linked by a stream of liquid.

In the Golden Dawn system, the Wheel of Fortune is linked to Jupiter and The Sun to the sun. Tyson disagrees with those associations.

If the natural order of the planets is to be preserved, we must assign the astrological Sun to the trump the Wheel. And what could be a more perfect fit? The Sun is the great wheel of the heavens. It has been depicted in this way in the mythology of countless cultures. It is a good deal more appropriate, symbolically, than Jupiter.

When we come to the trump the Sun, which receives the astrological planet the Sun in the Golden Dawn correspondences, we must use another planet since the Sun has been linked to the Wheel of Fortune. The obvious choice is Jupiter, termed in astrology the Greater Fortune and renowned for its beneficence, and Jupiter falls here naturally in the order of planets.

Some critics may object that the most natural planet for the trump the Sun is surely the planet the Sun. Yet, if this is so, why is it that the planet the Moon is never assigned to the trump the Moon? It seems to me that either both Sun and Moon should be linked to the trumps that bear their names, or neither should be so linked. Since the astrological Moon has never been placed on the trump the Moon, I have no reluctance to associate the trump the Sun with the planet Jupiter.

Lacking any background in esoteric studies, I can only say that Tyson's system feels right.

Tyson's re-sequencing of the Majors slightly alters the "Tarot Tableau." The Tableau is an arrangement of the Majors in three rows of seven, with The Fool above. It is purported to illustrate different levels of consciousness. At one level of consciousness, you may be experiencing Temperance, but at a higher level of consciousness, you learn the lessons of The Chariot, and at a still higher level, the lessons of The World.

My meditations on the traditional Tarot Tableau have seldom yielded significant insights. Arranging the Tableau in Tyson's sequence was immediately illuminating. The Priestess, Strength, and The Devil each address the powers of the unconscious. The Magician, Hermit, and The Tower are about our world view.

The attributions in the table above are the ones I will rely on when studying the Major Arcana. Since the concepts connecting the letters and the cards are primarily astrological, I will have to learn a little about astrology at some point. Initially, however, I will focus on the meanings of the Hebrew letters.

What the Hell is Self-Care and When Can I Get Started on the Important Stuff?

There are so many amazing and prolific bloggers.

I, on the other hand, have several draft posts that continue to stymie me. Yesterday, I surprised myself by beginning and completing a post within an hour of waking up. It included a prayer for help in creating a better life.

Altar at Kohenet website

The immediate fruit of that prayer was that I finally wrote an application to the Kohenet Hebrew Priestess Institute. The program’s application consists of eight simple questions, but each of my earlier four drafts had been an emotional struggle that I lost. Trying to answer them is painful and I don't know why.

I hope my prayer will bear additional fruit. I have several goals for the next eleven months.

I spent half of this past year living in cheap hotels with no idea of when my aliyah visa would arrive; the physical stresses of “homelessness” eventually began to exceed even the mental stresses so I decided to sign a one-year lease for an apartment in Tucson. One goal I have for this time in Tucson is to improve my Hebrew, but there are other less easily verbalized goals. Some of them were expressed in that prayer.

I asked for community. Although I came down with another (rather serious) illness shortly after I arrived, I’ve taken advantage of some of the opportunities available here: attending several Torah study groups, accepting an invitation to a very pleasant Shabbos dinner, going to my first Heathen ritual, and volunteering to prepare and serve a Christmas dinner at a half-way house.

Unfortunately, I haven’t recovered enough to dive fully into the community. In fact, I’m still too worn out to do much of anything. (It's scary. The only time I've know someone to be this exhausted was when my father was only months away from dying.)  One of the things I mentioned in my prayer post yesterday was a new-age term that I usually eschew: self love. I also used the cliché, “You can't love and care for others unless you first love and care for yourself.”

Medieval Cat Tarot

But how much time do I have to spend caring for myself before I can start weaving my new life? The term “self care” is both annoying and overused. A hot bath now and then is all the self care that I usually need. But it’s not enough now, so perhaps learning self care needs to be one of my goals, part of the metaphorical tapestry I asked to weave.

Yesterday, I pulled a tarot card that indicates I must take (more!) time to heal. I’m not an alpha personality by any means, but spending more time in warm pajamas, only sleeping and eating, while just waiting to feel better sounds like torture.

Could it be that waiting in my pajamas is not the healing I need? Walking and hiking are two of my favorite activities and my body is aching for them. However, my energy is so low now that after an easy, twenty minutes walk, I need a couple of hours of sleep. Maybe I need to sacrifice a few hours of wakefulness each day for the sake of a pleasant walk?

The thing that drew me to Lofn’s shrine was the word “permit.” I want to be the one that grants permission for me to act. I want to permit myself to follow my path. I guess I need to permit myself to be a baby, too—and I probably need to view it is as something better than “being a baby.”

So while Lofn is "dressing the loom" for me, I’ll rest and heal. Walk and sleep.

Handmaiden of a Northern Goddess

Loom and Thread by Carl Larsson

How do I reconcile worshiping only HaShem and his Shekhinah with my awareness that other gods are real? I don't. Not "all the gods are one god" and the gods of other tribes are worth talking to.

I've been working with just one exercise in a book by Raven Kaldera and Galina Krasskova. Raven maintains an online shrine dedicated to the gods of his Northern Tradition.

An aspiration this morning took me to Raven's shrine to light a candle to a goddess. Who are Frigg's handmaids, I wondered. The word "permission" drew me and I learned the story of the goddess Lofn. Her story was lost to people until Linda Demissy asked the Handmaidens to share it with her.

It's a good story, not just for star crossed lovers, but for anyone seeking "right love." You should read it here.

This is a prayer Linda wrote for those who seek Lofn's counsel.

I am the child in chains, chafing to be free.

I am the woman wounded, by the wrath of my chosen.

I am the kid expecting a beating, cannot run or fight.

I am the boy of bravery, become a bully to feel strong.

I am the wife beaten to death, wondering why as I die.

I am the heart humiliated, who has no hope of help.

I am the one repeatedly raped, what did I do wrong?

I am the son hiding his bruises, so shame will stay secret.

I am the victim of violence, violated in my trust,

Swollen red, silently screaming “walk away!”

Walk away from anger, walk away from hurt.

Walk away when I would shame my ancestors.

I will not lash out, at my love or myself.

I will cry for my hurt, hug my own scars.

Ghosts of my bullies, to your graves be bound,

I release you now, sink to rise nevermore.

By Hela’s grace, may I be reborn.

By Lofn’s cleansing, I reclaim my heart. 

The forbidden love is love of self. Seeking "right love" means recognizing abusers and not confusing them with friends. At the risk of a cliché, you can't love and care for others unless you first love and care for yourself. 

Before I lit a real candle and the virtual candle at Lofn's shrine, I wrote these words:  

Lofn, permit me and aid me.

Spin the yarn. Dress the loom and place my hands upon it. Teach me to reweave my life with strong threads. Warp and weft. Confidence and competence. Shuttle and shot. Friendship and community. Cross and draft. Priestesshood and service.

Help me discard a veil of shame and silence. Guide me to weave a garment for dancing in vineyards. May it be the colors of gratitude, playfulness, and laughter. May its fringes remind me of my path.

I will offer comfort to the hurt and encourage speech in those who have been silenced. I will name the bullies and sing the praises of those who defeat them.

I will remember you, Lofn, and I will bless the divine presence.

A New Beginning

The stress of the last few months took its toll; shortly after I moved into my (very nice) apartment in Tucson, I had to go to an urgent care clinic. The antibiotics have helped quite a bit, but I'm very worn out and not accomplishing much.

Yesterday, I attended a really good Torah study at one of the Conserative shuls. One of the last things we discussed was Joseph's wife, Asnat, and why the rabbis decided she must have been Dinah's daughter. All of Israel's children needed to be in Egypt for redemption, so the two "half-tribes" of Ephraim and Menashe "must" be the grandsons of Dinah as well as the sons of Joseph. 

(I'd never noticed that the word Yisrael includes the first letter of each matriarch's and partriarch's name.) 

In the afternoon, I ran some important errands and unpacked the fleishig dishes. It could have been a productive evening... instead, after setting up my wifi, I surfed for many unproductive hours. Slept late this morning and somehow accomplished nothing today except the purchase of a table to use as a desk. Just that little bit has worn me out so I will wait until next Tuesday to see what the Talmud study group is like.

There are three more Torah study groups and I plan to attend. They meet on Wednesday and Shabbat.

The rabbi at one other shul invited me to join them for services this erev Shabbat. Yesterday, someone warned me they are "very" Reform and continued on to one of those superiority rants, so I plan to like that community very much.

And this coming Shabbat morning, another Reform shul is having services and a hike in Sabino Canyon.

Haven't seen much of Tucson yet, but I already know I'll like it a lot! People are friendly.

Chanukah has been a self-dedication for me.

I've decided to spend this year pursuing things that may seem impractical: studying Hebrew, learning Torah, community service, writing, hiking, and Kohenet training.  

November 27

Last Friday, preparing for Shabbat, I put my pre- and post-Deuteronomist Judaisms side by side. I wonder how my altar will change over the coming year.

December 13

Mmmm, pumpkin pie

A television clip yesterday taught me that what my family calls "Irish Pumpkin Pie" may in fact be Canadian. In any case, the correct way to make it is with seven different spices.

Of course, since it's dairy, it must be served prior to your turkey dinner, and after the homemade salsas, guacamole, chips, and beverages everyone's been eating all day as they lurk around the kitchen waiting for you to finish preparing the meal.

MARY ELIZABETH DEVLIN’S DARK PUMPKIN PIE

(sorry for the non-metric measurements)

Piecrust:
Prepare the night before and refrigerate so it’s easy to roll out
2½ cups of flour
1 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. salt
two sticks of butter (room temperature) or one cup of Crisco
if necessary: add ½ cup of icy cold water, a little at a time
(after placing in pie plate, poke holes in the crust to keep it from shrinking)

Pumpkin filling:

Bowl One: Combine
4 well-beaten eggs
29 oz. of pumpkin (watch out! they are making already sweetened stuff!)

Bowl Two: Combine
1½ cups sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. allspice
¾ tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. ginger
1 tsp. mace
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. pumpkin spices
Mix the contents of both bowls together
Add 12 oz. of canned milk
Pour into two pie crusts and bake
15 minutes at 425 degrees F and then
45 minutes at 350 degrees F

Whipped cream:
1 quart heavy cream
large splash of vanilla
if you must: 1 tsp. powdered sugar
whip until peaks form
then whip again for the same amount of time to keep it from turning back into liquid later

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Why aren't the smart people talking?

It was a surprise. Not that it happened, but that it happened so soon.

France attacked ISIS.

Less than forty-eight hours after the terrorist attacks in Paris, France bombed civilians.

I doubt they scared ISIS, but they definitely scared me.

Did France take time to learn whether the big-shots were there? Most likely, the leaders were gone and mostly civilians were killed. "Merciless," indeed.

George Bush took four weeks to declare war after 9/11. France gave it less thought than George Bush and his advisors.

I guess I figured that I'd have a couple of weeks to sort out my thoughts on the responses (or non-responses) of the various asshats. I thought there would be discussions and some brilliant person would propose a good plan.

So far, nothing helpful.

"The Jews did it."

Of course I knew that was coming, but within an hour of the attacks?

If you need me to tell you that's horseshit, you shouldn't be reading my blog-- or maybe you should be.

ISIS claimed responsibility. Blaming the Jews isn't going to help anyone but the terrorists. Let's take a look at reality and base our actions on that.

"They only do these things because their lives are hopeless and that's our fault."

This terrorist act was not a response to being disenfranchised. No terrorist act is. Islamic terrorists attack because they've been taught radical interpretations of the Koran.

I once heard Irshad Manji assert that radical Islam isn't an expression of the Muslim religion, but of Arab culture. Whatever its source, it's a culture that teaches children to hate and kill. (I promise that you do not want the YouTube link to the toddler beheading his teddy bear.)

One of the more creative versions of the disenfranchisement excuse can be found in an article on GodsAndRadicals, "The US government, taking the symbolic place of Grendel’s Mother, is the womb from which they all spring."

That is an example of what my mother would have called a one-track mind. In this case, his view of capitalism is the only thing on his mind.

Radical Islam was terrorizing and murdering and beheading before the war in Syria, before the Iraq War, before the Shah, before the United States existed, before capitalism, and even before the Crusades.

Why are self-proclaimed radicals eager to excuse rape and torture and beheadings? Why doesn't it matter that Muslim Extremists throw gay people off the roofs of buildings, silence and brutalize women, terrorize innocent strangers on the other side of the world, or murder and maim their own neighbors? Have they heard about the ongoing genocide of the Yazidis and other non-Muslim minorities?

Don't they know that, in the last few decades, more Arabs have been killed by other Arabs than by the West?

First Nations actually have endured "unimaginable cruelty" at the hands of white people and capitalism, but they have not become terrorists. To quote that article again, Indians are not "vicious dogs" and the U.S. government is not their "owner."

"There are bigger problems."

I only half agree with Bernie Sanders; we can not wait to address climate change. But get your head out of your-- out of the sand, Bernie. Islamic terror must be addressed immediately, too. (Preferably with good sense, good intelligence, conviction, and firmness.)

"All religions are about love. Terrorists aren't real Muslims."

Have you been awake? They've told us who they are and what motivates them. It's past time to figure out how to respond.

"Islam is evil."

Nearly a quarter of the word's people are Muslim, so obviously, the majority of Muslims are not psychopaths. If they were, most of the rest of us would be dead already. The problem is not the words in the Koran; it's how people interpret the Koran. The problem is allowing teachers of radicalism and hate to have so much influence.

We might have seen this coming forty years ago, after the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan. We certainly could have helped four years ago, when moderate Syrians took a rare and courageous stand against ISIS; instead we abandoned people who really expected our support. Moderate Muslims are usually too scared to fight; we owe it to everyone, including ourselves, to help them.

We'll never save the kid who eviscerated his teddy bear, but we should ask ourselves how we can help moderate Muslims take control of their societies.

"We can't let refugees into our country."

We need to help them return to their homes and stand up to the bad guys, but in the meantime-- with caution-- we must be compassionate. Perhaps Saudi Arabia and other Arab nations could be compassionate, too.

Right now, we need to be worrying about the people we know are bad guys and if civilians have nowhere to go, there only options are join or die.

"There will be a backlash against Muslims in the West."

For the most part, we're better than that. (I can only speak for the U.S.)

A day or two after 9/11, a Muslim woman had a cameraman follow her around New York so she could show that people would take out their frustrations on all Muslims. Several people went up to her, asking if she was okay, concerned for her well being. The young woman seemed annoyed at these expressions of solidarity.

If we see a backlash against Muslims, we can fight it and I know that many of us would.

* * I want to hear people asking, "What is the sane response to this?" * *

A successful response to ISIS will probably include bombing, but we should have a plan first. It will also require sending "our boys" in, so we should definitely have a good plan. (What about Saudi Arabia-- when will we insist they stop pretending to be on the fence?) This war is going to last for many years, and longer than that if we don't have a plan.

It wouldn't be okay for Israel to respond the way France has. We know the French can say "disproportionate" because they use the word all the time, criticizing Israel for anything it does in defense of its civilians and ignoring the fact that terrorists use their own civilians as human shields.

Hollande laughed when Netenyahu said that ISIS is a threat to everyone. For years, France has ignored attacks on French Jews. Willfully blind.

Is France going to get a grip on reality or just drop bombs indiscriminantly?

We need a plan, so I'd like the asshats to shut up now and the smart people to step forward and lead. Without further delay.

Desperately seeking an author

Hagar

On the first day of Rosh HaShanah, it is tradition to read about Hagar and Yishmael, while the second day is dedicated to the story of Avraham and Yitzhak. Each of these narratives revolves around the near-death experiences of a child under the care of a parent.

Jean-Charles Cazin

However, in a few synagogues, like the one here, only one day of Rosh HaShanah is observed, and the reading exclusively focuses on the Akedah, the story of Abraham's near-sacrifice of his son. Consequently, the story of Hagar and Yishmael is not explored.

Today, I found myself wondering how Hagar raised her son and what lessons Avraham imparted to him. What kind of parents were they, and how did their parenting shape the lives of each of their sons?

The written Torah says little of Hagar's origins or ends, but the oral tradition has a great more to say. According to one midrash, she was the daughter of Pharaoh. Impressed by the miracles that God performed for Sarah (originally Sarai), Hagar chose to become a servant in Sarai's household, stating, "It is better for me to be a slave in Sarah's house than a mistress in my own."

Sarah, who had been childless for many years, eventually gave up on becoming a mother herself. She adhered to the custom of her era and region. She sent Hagar to Avraham so that Hagar could bear a child on Sarah's behalf.

When Hagar realized she was pregnant, "her mistress was despised in her eyes." She began to look down on Sarah. Ignoring the long partnership of Sarah and Avraham, Hagar boasted that her position in the household had become higher than Sarah's because she had conceived in one night while Sarah had not conceived in many years. This triggered a reaction from Sarah, who complained to Avraham. After consulting with God, Avraham told Sarah to to deal with Hagar as she saw fit.

Sarah chose to "afflict" or "deal harshly with" Hagar; the Torah uses the same Hebrew word (תענה/מעונה) that it would later use to describe the treatment of Israelite slaves in Egypt, generations later. This harsh treatment prompted Hagar to flee to the desert, where she encountered a messenger of God who advised her to return to Sarah, which she did.

בְּרֵאשִׁית - לֶךְ-לְךָ
16:7 And the angel of the LORD found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur.
16:8 And he said: 'Hagar, Sarai's handmaid, whence camest thou? and whither goest thou?' And she said: 'I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai.'
16:9 And the angel of the LORD said unto her: 'Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands.'
16:10 And the angel of the LORD said unto her: 'I will greatly multiply thy seed, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.
16:11 And the angel of the LORD said unto her: 'Behold, thou art with child, and shalt bear a son; and thou shalt call his name Ishmael, because the LORD hath heard thy affliction.
16:12 And he shall be a wild ass of a man: his hand shall be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the face of all his brethren.'
16:13 And she called the name of the LORD that spoke unto her, Thou art a God of seeing; for she said: 'Have I even here seen Him that seeth Me?'
16:14 Wherefore the well was called 'Beer-lahai-roi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.

The figure of the lone seeker in the desert is a powerful archetype. Even more powerful is the moment when Hagar named God "El Roi," meaning "The God Who Sees." To my knowledge, Hagar is the only individual in the Tanakh who names God.

Hagar eventually gave birth to a son, whom Avraham named Yishmael. Afterward, Yishmael disappears from the narrative until God made another covenant with Avraham and commanded that "every male among you shall be circumcised." Not long after this event, Sarah gave birth to Yitzhak.

The pivotal moment in the story occurred after Yitzhak's weaning, when Yishmael engaged in an action that angered Sarah. (The action is described as "m'tzahek," from the root "to play" and also related to Yitzhak's name, which means "laughter." The same word was used to describe something that later in the tale Yitzhak and Rivka do thereby exposing the fact that they are married. This ambiguity has led some Rabbis to speculate whether Yishmael did something sexual.)

In response to Sarah's displeasure, Avraham heeded her request to send Hagar and Yishmael, away into the wilderness. In the desert again, this time not of her own choosing, Hagar was lost and out of water. Her son was dying.

בְּרֵאשִׁית - וַיֵּרָא
21:14 And Abraham arose up early in the morning, and took bread and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away; and she departed, and strayed in the wilderness of Beer-sheba.
21:15 And the water in the bottle was spent, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs.
21:16 And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bow-shot; for she said: 'Let me not look upon the death of the child.' And she sat over against him, and lifted up her voice, and wept.
21:17 And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her: 'What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is.
21:18 Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him fast by thy hand; for I will make him a great nation.'
21:19 And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink.
21:20 And God was with the lad, and he grew; and he dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.
21:21 And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran; and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt. 

The moment when Hagar abandoned her dying child under a shrub and distanced herself from him is as disturbing as Avraham's intention to sacrifice Yitzhak. However, it is then that a messenger of God calls to Hagar from heaven, responding to the child's cries. Hagar's inability to see the well until God opens her eyes is puzzling.

There are many things to wonder about in these seven verses.

1. Before the Akedah, God and Abraham spoke with each other often, but afterward, God never spoke to Avraham again. An angel, not god, spoke to Avraham during the Akedah. Rabbi Jill Hammer points out that the angel described Yitzhak differently than God had described him before the Akedah; the angel said, "thy son, thine only son," omitting the additional phrase God had used, "thy son... thine only son... whom thou lovest." This raises questions about Avraham's feelings toward his son. God's actions on Hagar's behalf after she abandoned her child to cry alone under a bush contrast with His silence toward Avraham. God apparently approved of Hagar's behavior during her trial, but not Avraham behavior during his.

2. God promised to make Hagar's son a great nation, just as he had promised to make Sarah's son a great nation.

3. Earlier God had seen Hagar, this time God helped Hagar see. According to another midrash, Hagar had seen the well the first time she was in the desert and had named it Be'er Lachai Roi, the "Wellspring of the Living One Who Sees Me." Hagar's ability to name both God and a place, suggests something-- I'm not sure what. Empowerment? Self awareness? A unique relationship with God?

The Tanakh shifts its focus from the parents to the children as the story progresses. However, we know a little more. Hagar reappeared when, according to oral tradition, after the death of his mother, Yitzhak traveled to Be'er Lachai Roi to bring Hagar back to Avraham. In the written Torah, she is thereafter known as Keturah, "tie," because she had remained faithful to Avraham during their time apart.

When hearing Hagar's story, we can't help but anticipate the Akedah, in which Avraham nearly sacrifices the child Sarah gave birth to. These two stories, read on Rosh HaShanah, delve into the complex relationships between parents and children. The question remains: Why do we read these narratives on Rosh HaShanah, the "birthday" of the world?

Bureaucracy

Are people at the Jewish Agency supremely inefficient? Or are they being extra careful about who they're letting into Israel right now?

Whatever the reason, they having been dragging their feet. In March, their representative asked for five items that Nefesh b'Nefesh had not requested. Now she has changed the requirements again and wants one document that, when I specifically asked about it in March, she said did not matter-- "whichever is easier to get."

This has been going on too long and I'm frustrated. I could do this: JUST GO! Pack a suitcase, fly to Israel, and visit Cyprus every three months so I can keep an up-to-date visa in my passport

I can't seem to intelligently evaluate whether or not that would be a good plan. There are just too many unidentifiable emotions swirling around inside me.

My biggest fears are failing to become fluent in Hebrew and not being able to make a living.

No.

Actually my biggest fear is that I might never make aliyah.

5776 Powwow

Yes, of course I went to the powwow! But, unfortunately, for only one day this year. 

It would have been nice to be there both days and would be nice to reflect and write more than I’m going to. My time (and attention) is limited and I want to be able to remember at least some of the experience.

The atmosphere was a little  different this year. Photography wasn’t permitted at all, even during the grand entry.

A Navajo was headman. I liked what he said, but the tone was definitely different than other years. He emphasized that we were on Yavapai land and that it was stolen land.

The head girl danced alone. The headman asked that no one join her. She was dancing for her grandfather who had passed the day before. I stood during her dance. Because.

Then she gave gifts.

People will still believe anything...

This is not verbatim, merely my recollection a variety of similar texts I read in a Medieval history course.

Near the cathedral, I heard a voice screaming for help and I ran towards it. When I got there, no one was in sight, but I saw drops of blood leading away from the church. I followed them to the Jewish neighborhood. 

As I got closer to one home, I heard the screams again. Looking in a window, I saw Jews gathered around a table. A wafer, the flesh of our god, lay on the table. A bearded man with a long, hooked nose was repeatedly stabbing the wafer with a knife. Each time the knife pierced its flesh, the wafer cried out. 

This tale would might be laughable, except for the fact that hundreds of Jews were killed because people believed this falsehood.  

It is one thing to confront historical narratives that led to tragic consequences for certain groups. But we forget how deeply people believed that absurd accusation. We don't recognize that many of today's false charges are just as ridiculous and just as false. Today's new false charges include the buzzwords of this era, thrown about without with no consideration given to their possible accuracy or inaccuracy.

Without understanding history or the present day, how can we make the world better and achieve what we all want: a society that is free, tolerant, inclusive and compassionate.

Wikipedia's description of this image: "a 15th-century German woodcut of the host desecration by the Jews of Passau, 1477. The hosts are stolen and sold to the Jewish community, who pierce them in a ritual. When guards come to question the Jews, they (the Jews) attempt to burn the Hosts, but are unsuccessful, as the Hosts transform into an infant carried by angels. The Jews, now proven guilty, are arrested, beheaded, and tortured with hot pincers, the entire community is driven out with their feet bound and held to the fire, and the Christian who sold the hosts to the Jews is punished. At the end the Christians kneel and pray."

Our Source, our Council

Rehabir's translation of Avinu Malkeinu was posted to RockyMountainHAI.com.

And although it sounds best when a congregation of average voices sings it, Barbara Streisand doesn't do too badly:

Our Source, our Council, listen for our voice
Our Source, our Council, we have missed the mark before you
Our Source, our Council, Let your compassion flow in us and in our children

Our Source, our Council
empty the world of the pestilence,
war and famine that weighs on us
Our Source our Council,
Empty us of all the trouble
And the hostility that surrounds us

Our Source, our Council,
Our Source, our Council,
Write us in, in the book of good life
Our Source, our Council, renew us
Renew us for a year of good changes.

Listen to our call
Understand our acceptance
Hear our voice

Our Source, our Council,

Our Source, our Council,
Renew us for a year of good changes

Our Source, our Council,
Listen to our cry
Understand our call
Hear our voice
Oh hear our cry

Justice Requires Truth

Colonialism is a bad word. So let's call Israel colonial. Even though it's not.

A recent post at Gods&Radicals quoted a book that referred to "Israeli colonialism." Does the author of the book or the person who posted the review of it know what colonialism is? Do either of them know the history of Jewish immigration to Israel or that there has been a continuous presence in the Land for 3,000 years? [Edit: The reviewer removed that quote from his post… so maybe he knows better now.]

Capitalism is a bad word. So let's point out that Israel is (partly) a capitalist country. So are many other countries.

Kibbutzim were the ideal for many decades. The ideal didn't work out ideally, so many kibbutzim have changed their social and economic structures.

Apartheid is a bad word. So let's call Israel an apartheid state. Even though it's not.

Can there be peace if people are not honest 

about their grievances and hopes? 

Can you honestly say that you hope for peace throughout the world if you are contributing to lies that promote hate and violence?

See all posts labeled 'Lies About Israel'

or follow RM Bellerose for Truth About Israel 

Review - A Woman with No Name; A Journey of Survival

This is the memoir of a woman who served honorably in the U.S. Navy and, as a result of her experiences, suffered from PTSD for years. Her story is filled with hope despite its horror. It’s a true story. What almost seems like fiction is that its writer could pull herself up after everything that happened to her. That’s true, too. Debra Jean is the goddess of her own life.

Her story shows us that hope is more than reasonable. She received numerous commendations and even a much-sought posting with NATO during her service despite the almost unspeakable trauma she experienced during those years. If she can heal, each of us can.

One would expect a memoir about PTSD to be difficult to read, but while her descriptions of places and emotions are vivid, Debra Jean never dragged me into her story. I cringed often, but there was something objective in her writing that didn’t force me to plunge into the horror of her experiences.

Nonetheless, her writing was engaging enough to make me care about the story. When her plane landed in Italy, the intimation of impending disaster was so powerful, I wanted to beg, “No, no! Please, don’t get off the plane! Please!”

When I did read all that happened next, I groaned, wishing events like these couldn’t happen, wishing that life didn’t have to be so horrific to bring wisdom. But Debra is wise and strong.

Her spirituality is obvious. During a description of the rituals and rhythms of her childhood religion, she writes, “Time is crucial to Catholics. The shortest mass in town equals the largest congregation. That makes more time for visiting the tavern after church.” Okay, her sense of humor is even more obvious. She must get it from one of her grandmothers, two ladies I wish I had met.

After years of exemplary service and numerous commendations, Debra Jean was given an honorable discharge, but the document included these words: “Other/ Physical/ Mental Condition – Personality Disorder.” She writes,

From November 1, 2001 to June 30, 2007, over 26,000 enlisted military personnel were discharged with the diagnosis of personality disorder. The Government Accountability Office studied the files. A vast majority of these service men and women were deployed overseas and/ or victims of military sexual trauma. A personality disorder is considered a pre-existing condition. So how did 26,000 men and women pass their psychological tests? I believe that these men and women have PTSD. However, if they are discharged under personality disorder, the government is not responsible to pay for their disability benefits because this diagnosis is considered to be a pre-existing condition.

The courageous women and men of this country defend our freedoms, constitution, and country. Veterans should not be subjected to any unnecessary administrative battlefields in order to receive their benefits that they so rightly deserve.

Four years after her discharge from the U.S. Navy, she began the fight to have the Veterans Administration acknowledge that she suffered from PTSD that was a result of injuries sustained during her active duty military service. Many years later, she was “validated and vindicated” when the Navy amended her honorable discharge to indicate a medical discharge.

You can recognize, that for Debra Jean, the telling of this story was a releasing of her past. For readers, it may be a promise that healing is possible or an example of courage worthy of emulation. It is certainly a lesson about understanding for veterans and other people with PTSD.

Her story begins with pain and sinks into confusion, shame, agony, and fear. I ached for her. But her book ends with these words:

My journey continues, as I walk upon the earth’s arena carefully nurturing the new heart that beats inside this body. I will never forget the journey that carried me here. The scars on my body remind me of the thorns on a rose bush. They were meant to teach me to parent myself, to walk side by side with faith, and to never lose myself for the selfish benefit of another.

And had it not been for the grace of my Lord and Savior, I would not be here today.

Debra Jean has faced her experiences and transcended them. I am grateful that she shared her story with me.

Every day, twenty-two U.S. veterans commit suicide.
That’s eight thousand and thirty servicemen and women each year.

BaMidbar – In the Desert

5776. My first hopeful Rosh HaShana in over a decade. Recovery from something that I’ve never believed was traumatic enough to knock me on my ass. And yet, there I was, on my ass, and I couldn’t get up.

Why did “getting over it” have to take twelve years? At least it didn’t take forty!

There have been other signs of progress:

Months ago, I left my job and sold my house. Even though my plan to make aliyah was not working out, I entrusted myself to insecurity: it's a doorway, I hope, to a new life. I do not miss the house, only watching sunrise in the back yard, looking out at desert and mountains.

A few weeks ago, I visited Washington. Olympia seemed eager to press upon me many opportunities to build a full, new life. Those opportunities would have added up to a life I’ve already had. I want something else.

When I returned from Washington, I was overjoyed to be in the desert again. When did I become a lover of the desert?

I had thought that I missed abundant green and generous rains. In fact, I’ve learned to love bare earth, plants that thrive between rocks, bright flowers that appear for only a day, and clouds that are immense and fantastical landscapes in the sky.

I even love the tease of the monsoons: seeing a smear between cloud and horizon and knowing it’s raining “over there,” watching nearby rain evaporating before it reaches the ground, feeling three-minute long rolls of thunder, and waiting and hoping for rain to fall where I am.

Waiting and hoping. They feel good. And when the rain pours down: joy!

The knowledge that I have found my place is empowering. I am a toshevet midbar, a desert dweller. I will discover other parts of myself and, eventually, I will find my name.

There is no hurry. I want to take this journey.


Addendum: Tamara Cohn Eskanazi writes, "Wilderness is a place—or time—without orienting landmarks or structure." She asserts that the theme of B'Midbar (Numbers) is transition and that the book "charts the journey through a wilderness and attempts to create new structures in this intermediary space for future life in the land." 

A Black South African on Israel and Apartheid

I recently received this comment on another blog, after someone read a post of mine:

This blog post you link to is just a tirade that says if you stand in solidarity with Palestinians you are an anti-Semite. Because you say so. There is no real explanation, just that opposing the systems of occupation and apartheid somehow equates opposing the Jewish people. Is this the best you can do to justify the horrible acts of a capitalist racist state?

There's no way to communicate with someone who wants to believe things that aren't true.

However, since he brought it up, I thought I'd share this video. Kenneth Meshoe, a South African politician, argues that the allegation that Israel is an apartheid state "is so inaccurate it betrays the memory of those who suffered through a real apartheid."

See all posts labeled 'Lies About Israel'

or follow RM Bellerose for Truth About Israel 

Two Capitols for Two States

Years ago, I had a bumper sticker on my car that read “Two Capitals for Two States.” Because if everyone would just share, then there would be peace, right?

Then, in 2000, Palestinian leaders turned down the opportunity to create a state with its capital in Jerusalem and 98% of the land they had claimed they wanted.

It was the first time that Israel had offered to divide its capital. But, I learned, it was the third time that Palestinian Arab leaders had refused to create a state.

So I finally started making an effort to learn about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, rather than just accepting the popular narrative. I realized that I’d accepted falsehoods without thinking, I was ashamed of myself.

And I ripped that bumper sticker off my car.

About that time, one of the tales Palestinian Arabs often recited was about the Arab town of Jenin. The narrative was that the Israeli Defense Forces had entered Jenin, slaughtered all the Arabs there, and buried them all—men, women, and children—in a mass grave. I learned that this was an invention repudiated even by the U.N., and when I visited Israel ten years later, the town of Jenin was still there and populated by Arabs.

The image I’d had of evil Israeli occupiers was a fiction. I had felt obliged, as a Jew, to do something about the supposed crimes of my people, so I had participated in organizations such as The Jewish Voice for Peace. Why hadn't I felt obliged, as a Jew, to determine that what I’d heard was true?

I was angry that no one at my synagogue had tried to set me straight. No one had even expressed offense that a JVP bumper sticker was in the shul’s parking lot two or more times each week.

I was angrier with Palestinians. How could I make sense of the conflict when I couldn’t trust them to be truthful? How can people achieve peace if they don't honestly discuss their grievances?

Clearly there was (and still is) injustice: children taught to blow themselves up in order to kill Israelis, conflicts resulting in the deaths of Arabs and Israelis, and nothing done to prevent hatred and fear from growing.

With a fictional narrative promoted even by the “balanced and unbiased media,” where can we learn the truth? Why did the Palestinian Arabs turn down opportunities to create a state in 1937, 1947, 1948, 1967, 2000, and 2008?

If you’ve only listened to the popular narrative, don't be afraid to read pro-Israel information for a change. All of us should try to learn facts from the perspective of both sides. How else can we find a route to peace?

Unfortunately, I'm still wondering where to find truth from the Arab perspective. Arabs say they want land and peace, but Israel's “land for peace” policy has not been successful. After its neighbors attacked Israel (three times) and lost, Israel gained land that it offered to return in exchange for treaties. Only Egypt regained land, the Sinai, by simply acknowledging that Israel exists. Simple.

Yet world opinion still vilifies Israel and Israel alone.

While visiting Olympia, Washington recently, I saw a mural on Capitol Way that includes the images of two women. The word “Peace” is painted next to the woman in red, green, and black. The other woman, in blue and white, is tattooed with the words, “I will not occupy.” The mural not-so-subtly puts all the blame for the conflict on Israelis.

What is it that’s occupied? Gaza? Judah? Samaria? Arab towns in Israel? The Golan?

There are no troops in Gaza. (Hence, rockets being fired on Israel.) When Jewish settlers began to build-- legally-- in Judah and Samaria during peace negotiations, the IDF demolished their buildings. And the few times I traveled through Arab-Israeli towns, I saw no Israeli soldiers or even road blocks.

How about the Golan Heights? Israel acquired that land defending itself from Syria and offered to return it in exchange for a peace treaty. Unlike Egypt, Syria refused to sign a peace treaty. It was years before Israel accepted that it would have to administer the area. The Golan Heights represents Syrian intransigence. Some people call it “occupied territory.” I call it northern Israel. 

Judah and Samaria, renamed "The West Bank" when Jordan conquered the territory in 1948, are the Jewish heartland, but Arabs live there. 

The political spectrum in Israel is enormous, but there seem to be cycles of hope and cynicism among all Israelis. One famous singer, who had been a peace activist in the 1970s, said, “There is no one to make peace with.” Arafat had killed the moderate Palestinian Arabs who had been willing to make peace. Today, Hamas uses violence to keep Palestinians in line; it randomly accuses people of aiding Israel and executes them publicly.

Irshad Manji once noted that while she knows Israelis who argue for the Palestinians, she has never met a Palestinian who argues for Israelis. She describes the disappointment she felt when visiting a Palestinian writer who dared not express himself frankly about peace while in the same room as Palestinian leaders.

It might be possible to validly criticize Israelis and Palestinians. Unfortunately, you’ll only hear criticisms of Israel and they are often false. You have to know who is speaking and what his agenda is. Opposition to Israel is rarely about peace; it is mostly inspired by the hatred of Jews, not by facts.

That may be one reason why peace initiatives have not succeeded. There can be no peace without truth.

See all posts labeled 'Lies About Israel'

or follow RM Bellerose for Truth About Israel 

U.S. Christians "Under Siege"

Church in Baghdad, from www.atour.com

On first hearing that statement, one might find it absurd. Middle Eastern Christians are being murdered because they are Christians, while American Christians exercise social, religious, political, and economic freedom.

However, it is a fact that America Christians are under siege. At one time, all branches of the federal and state governments were aligned with Christian mores. Today, Christians are losing that power.

Here is a well known example. Kim Davis, a clerk in Kentucky, has been incarcerated for refusing to issue marriage licenses after the United States Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is legal. She tried to arrogate to herself the power to impose her beliefs on other people.

Sorry, Kim. The United States Constitution prohibits the government from imposing any religion or religious doctrine. For example: President Obama cannot write a prayerbook and compel your church to use it! Your position as a government official does not give you the power to impose your beliefs on other people.

Does it need to be said that comparing yourself to Martin Luther King, Jr. is laughable?

Christians in the U.S., from camphanes.org
(click to see suffering, Christian children in the U.S.)

It is ignorant to claim that the Supreme Court is a dictatorship hostile to Christians. It is ignorant to claim that states' law should supersede federal law. It is ignorant to believe that the words "man" and "woman" on a county form are divine command. And Mike Huckabee knows better.

The United States Constitution gives Christians many rights, including the right to tell their elected representatives to overturn the Supreme Court’s ruling.

Christians have rights and freedoms in the United States, but it's not the "good-ole days." Christian power is indeed under siege. This is a good thing for everyone.

Addendum: Here is a brilliant post on this topic from Shaun Paul at Stone of Destiny.

See the soul of the person sitting opposite you

On the second day of Rosh HaShana, we read the Akedah, the binding of Isaac.

One interpretation of this disturbing passage is that Avraham failed the test. God had always encouraged Avraham to argue with him, but after Avraham nearly killed Isaac, God never spoke to him again.

It's a reassuring position, and it's supported by Torah, but the interpretation feels insufficient. Rabbi Kohenet Jill Hammer shares words of Torah that are more substantial as well as beautiful and profound. Before the Akedah, God called Isaac, "Your son, your only son, the one you love." After the Akedah, the messenger did not repeat the third description of Isaac. Listen to her eight minute d'var Torah here: Missing Words from a Hidden God.

L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu!

Elul, a month of reflection and repentance is nearing its end. The High Holy Days begin the evening of September 12. It's fascinating that the Jewish calendar is both lunar and solar. It feels good that our holidays are in sync with Nature's cycles.

Sept 12 - 28 Elul - New Moon
Sept 13 - 29 Elul - Erev Rosh HaShana
Sept 14 - 1 Tishrei - Rosh HaShana
Sept 15 - 2 Tishrei - second day of Rosh HaShana 
Sept 16 - 3 Tishrei - Tzom Gedalia
Sept 19 - 6 Tishrei - Shabbat Shuva
Sept 21 - 8 Tishrei - Moon at first quarter
Sept 22 - 9 Tishrei - Autumn Equinox and Erev Yom Kippur
Sept 23 - 10 Tishrei - Yom Kippur
Sept 25 - 12 Tishrei - the Powwow begins sometime around sunset
Sept 26 - 13 Tishrei - Powwow and Shabbat
Sept 27 - 14 Tishrei - Powwow and Erev Sukkot
Oct 4 - 21 Tishrei - Moon at last quarter and seventh day of Sukkot
Oct 5/6 - 22/23 Tishrei - Simchat Torah 
Oct 10 - 27 Tishrei - Shabbat
Oct 12 - 29 Tishrei - New Moon

This Is A Forest

I just returned from the Pacific Northwest, after exploring the possibility of living there. Everyone and everything was wonderful; I could picture myself as part of that community. However, the uniformly gray sky and the constant rain depressed me badly.

Returning to the Southwest made me ecstatic! 

Phoenix's 105 degrees made me laugh. During the early afternoon to middle-of-the-night drive home, I never took my eyes from the sky and horizon. That night, I gasped each time in-cloud lightning made a cloud visible in the black sky. And the first thing I did the next day was take a long hike. 

Just so you can understand my perspective...

This is a forest:

These are clouds:

Here is rain in the distance 

and monsoon lightning.